Pride

It's always been a painful word for me.  I suffer from it, maybe too much.  I'm too proud to... admit that I'm wrong, listen to other opinions that are different than mine, think outside the box that I've so carefully constructed to protect all of the things that I really think need protecting, but really don't.

My pride has suffered the past several years.  And in that suffering, I've grown tremendously.

But it's returned lately.  And in a big, and very different, way.

I've mentioned my kids a lot on my blog.  I spent some time with each of them last weekend (always not enough), and here's what I saw...

I saw my oldest daughter, Maggie, extremely happy working in "IT".  She's finally landed in a place for full-time employment where she really believes she 'fits'.  She's costuming the play, "Pippin", for a high school.  But not doing a lot of the work herself, she's actually teaching the art of costuming to her students.  Her paycheck is that of a coach, as well it should be.  She's the president of the Minnesota Society of Costumers and is doing a couple of shows this weekend.

I saw my other daughter, Katie, happily raising my grandsons (Curt and Joe) and watched her interactions with them and her profound and very deep love for each of them.  I got to look at her art, in many forms, and even commissioned her to do three paintings for my new apartment in Harlem.  She's exhibiting this weekend at the St. Paul Art Crawl, showing some of her paintings and her needlework and her furniture.  Being extremely creative while raising twins.

I saw my son, Tom, working as an Assistant General Manager at a Noodles & Co.  When I walked in, he was cooking.  And was so dialed in to that he didn't notice me for about 10 minutes.  When he did, he made me dinner.  (Know what it's like when your son makes you dinner?)  And we hung out after his shift was done for a bit and just had a couple drinks and talked.  He's working on opening another store in a couple of weeks and is continuing to grow in that company.

Yeah, that thing about pride.  My traditional notion of the pride that held me back, that thing that I've been working so hard to bust apart, is back in spades.  But it's back for my kids.  Because all of the things I said above that held me back, I believe they saw that.  And I believe that they don't do the same things I did for such a long time.

You have no idea how proud I am of my kids.

The #8 Train Moves... to Harlem

It's been a while, but I thought I had to send a quick update in a not so timely fashion.  The #8 train has moved!  My old neighborhood is behind me and I'm now living in Harlem.  Yes, that Harlem.  Right smack dab in the middle of it.  If you don't know anything about my new neighborhood, look up places like Sylvia's or the Red Rooster (some of the best restaurants in the city) or the Shrine (one of the best music places in the city) or...

I think it's funny when I tell people that I moved to Central Harlem and everybody says something like "I hear it's getting better" or "I hear it's being more gentrified" or "I hear there are a lot more white people in Harlem".  Yeah, it's getting better.  People up here care more than people I've seen elsewhere.  It's becoming more gentrified because it's New York City and the rents are going up, which means the income level of people moving into Harlem is a bit higher.  But there's a lot of rent control here (heck, my apartment is rent-controlled for 2 years), it evaporates when someone leaves and then is locked in with the new tenant.  More white people?  Haha.  Visit me.

My last blog talked about my first weekend here, and it was really a profound experience.  I really do feel like this is my neighborhood.  People look at me here.  People ask me how I'm doing here.  People see that I'm a white guy, but they also know I live here.  Like I said a couple months ago, I belong here.  Are there people who don't think I should be here?  Sure.  But you know what?  In my old neighborhood, people didn't think I belonged there either.  But they showed it by avoiding me.  I'm an eye contact person.  If I look you in the eye, and you don't do the same, I don't belong.  Yeah, that's my insecurity, but it is what it is.  People here, for the most part, look you in the eye.  That's one of the reasons I love living here.

I love living here because my perspective changes.  All of the racial unrest in this country is personified in my neighborhood.  People here have lived it for years.  Police v. Public.  This is Harlem.  There were legitimate riots here in the 1960s.  People my age remember them.  And it's so much fun talking with and interacting with people my age here.  Because our perspectives on life and what is right and wrong is, believe it or not, pretty much identical.  And that's what makes this my neighborhood.

The #8 train has found a home for a while.  It's going to be good to stay at this station and provide some reflections from a very different point of view.  The White Guy in Harlem.

You Belong to Us Now

Moving sucks.  It always has and it always will.  I decided to move from where I was about a year ago (when my son, Tom, said he wanted to move to NYC).  Lots of things helped solidify that with my old apartment, so I decided to move.  May blog about the moving experience, because it was the exact opposite of pleasant, at some point.  But I'd rather blog about my new neighborhood.

I moved to Harlem.  Throw a dart at a map of Harlem, and I am dead center.  I moved to Adam Clayton Powell Avenue (7th Avenue) between 131st and 132nd street.  I am now in a 3BR apartment (with 2 king-sized bedrooms and a full bedroom that will be used as an office) with a large kitchen and lots of room.  I didn't move my cats (subject for another blog, I think I'll have lots of blogs about moving...).

My son, Tom, came out this weekend.  I think he came to rest, but we got a little bit of work done here in the apartment.  Which was very good, but I think his primary reason was to introduce me to people.  We tried to stay in the neighborhood for the most part (despite going to the office on Friday and to an old haunt on Saturday for brunch).

We ate at Harlem BBQ on Saturday night and brought a bunch of food home (which is good, I'll still need to eat) and came home to chill for a bit.  Which we did, then Tom decided it was time to go out and grab a drink.  What am I going to say?

We ended up at a french bistro up the street a block and half away and we started talking to some of the folks there.  I heard this phrase, "you belong to us now" a couple of times from more than one person.  So what did we do?

Well, we went over to Sylvia's for brunch (where Tom had the best fried chicken he'd ever had in his life) and came back and chilled for a bit then went back to that bistro.  We had a couple of beers and the bartender continued to introduce me to people from the neighborhood.  Every single person was engaging and interested, and every single one said "you belong to us now".

Yes, I do.  And I've never felt more welcome in a neighborhood.  I belong to you as much as you belong to me, and I am ecstatic to live here!

I Can't Imagine...

Burying a child.  The Vice President of the United States of America did that today.  For the second time.  And my heart reaches out to Joe Biden today.

Beau Biden, who was the Attorney General of Delaware and an Iraqi War veteran, and had a lot of promise in the Democratic Party (I would have supported him as a candidate for President, like I did his father in 1988).  He was a lot like his Dad.  And I really like his Dad.  He served and realized that was his calling and no words can eulogize that properly.  But I can put it in my perspective...

I can't imagine Maggie dying right now.  She is an awesome costumer and an awesome analyst looking for her break.  I can't imagine Katie dying right now.  She is an awesome mother and an awesome creative talent.  I can't imagine Tom dying right now.  He is an awesome chef and an awesome comedian.  It would be so unfair.  And I would be absolutely devastated.

So today, my heart is with Joe Biden.

May your son rest in peace in the company of angels.

One Month Review

One month review...

Get back into shape...  Let's see, I started T25 on January 5, did 8 workouts, and realized that an overweight, 52 year old guy is definitely NOT who can take the best advantage of it after I tweaked my knee.  It's still healing, but I am still committed to getting in better shape once it's healed!

I am trying to pray every day.  Not quite there yet, but definitely trying.

Eating...  Definitely improving!  Still need to do a little better for breakfast, but lunch and dinner are both routine.

Walking...  I'll be back on it after this knee thing resolves.  If it's still bugging me when I have my annual physical on March 10, I'm definitely telling the doctor.

Job...  Knocking it out of the park (actually take a break to jot this down)!

Seeing the family...  Haven't yet this year, but am planning to do so later this month.  Really looking forward to it.  If I can afford to get back for Uncle Russ' funeral this week, it will give me another opportunity.

Kara...  Is still around, we're actually getting out of the city next weekend for a few days in the Dominican Republic (on points and miles, thank you IBI).

Drinking...  Am definitely drinking less, and that's a good thing.

Blogging...  Have to do better!

It's About Time...

To start taking a peek at 2015 and some of the things I want to do this year.  I don't like to make 'resolutions' because they usually are too big and too vague and too hard to achieve.  Saying I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to quit smoking, I'm going to try to be nice to people I don't like, etc.  Stuff like that.  (For the record, in 2008 one of my resolutions was to lose weight and I lost over 100 pounds and in 2013 I resolved to quit smoking and, finally, succeeded.)  But I don't want to think that big because I think I'm in a pretty decent place.  My New Year will start on Monday, by the way.  But there are some things I need to re-focus on...

I want to get in better shape and take better care of myself.  I'm starting Focus T25 on Monday.  This 10 week program should help me get started the right way.  Intense, 25 minute workouts every Monday to Friday, followed by a weekend of rest and stretching.  If my body is up to it (and I think it is), this should be a great challenge!

I want to try to find some time every day to pray.  Well, maybe not to pray.  I want to try to find time every day to be quiet.  To shut down the brain, to stop talking to myself, to just listen.  Maybe this time will be after my workout while I stop sweating, maybe it will be when I get home from the office, heck, it might even be at the office!  But I need to find time every day to listen to my soul.

I need to eat 3 times a day.  Breakfast, lunch, supper.  My eating habits are horrible and they probably lead to my current body shape (increasingly round).  I want to eat better and more healthy, too, but I think I'm doing OK with that.

I want to get back to walking at least 2 miles every morning (after the T25 is over).  I really need to get my steps up from about 5K to 10K every day.  Should improve my fitness level.  I did pretty good for a few months in 2014, but fell off when the weather changed.  My plantar fasciitis and throwing my back out (again) didn't help that much.

I want to be successful in my job.  I struggled for a while after some decisions were made that I didn't agree with, and that impacted my job performance and my attitude on the job.  I've come to accept the decisions (probably because I can't change them) and have found a 'groove'.  I want to stay positive, but I also want to stay honest.

I want to see my children and my grandchildren more in 2015 than I did in 2014.  I saw them a lot more in 2014 than I had in the previous 2 or 3 years, and I had a wonderful (if challenging) time every time I did.  My kids make me better.  I never thought that having adult children would be as much fun as it really is.  And I thought that once they were adults that my love for them would begin to erode.  I'm really glad it hasn't.  And I want to talk to them all way more often.  And I want them to feel OK that, when I don't, it's OK to call me and tell me that I'm not calling enough.

I want to keep hanging out with Kara.  I've never been in a platonic relationship with a woman like I am with her.  She really is wonderful.  Both as a friend and as a 'life coach'.  It's really cool to spend time with someone with a different perspective on the world than mine.  You see, Kara was born in Korea.  She moved to Minnesota when she was 4, went to Breck for high school and Concordia (Moorhead) for college.  She's extremely athletic, eats fantastically (and cooks pretty good, too), and is just fun to spend time with.

I probably should drink less.  I don't believe I'm an alcoholic, and have had that confirmed a couple of times.  I think concentrating on fitness will help me do that.  Switching to drink vodka/soda instead of beer because it has fewer calories is kinda silly.  I just need to drink less.

Lastly, I want to blog more.  This kind of goes back to the 'listening (i.e., praying)' that I want to do more of, believe it or not.  A lot of the things in my head stay there until I put them down in black and white and can see them.  It's easier to get rid of them.  Not just what's going inside me (because, let's face it, it really isn't all THAT exciting), but what's going on around me as well.  2015 is going to bring a move and a readjustment to a new neighborhood, it may bring more, and when I can express those things in a blog, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Here's to 2015 and all that it has to offer!  Here's to living out my wants and my needs!

Requiescat in Pacem, Rafael Ramos

The City of New York, and the New York Police Department, buried one of our (their) own today.  Rafael Ramos was buried.  Officer Ramos was assassinated last Saturday with his partner, Weinjin Liu.  As I watched the funeral this morning, I could not help but be moved by the words expressed by the pastors and government leaders.  It is true, police officers put it out there every day.

My uncle, Rich, was a cop.  His son, Jim, is a cop.  It's a job I could never do, I don't have the patience for law breakers, nor do I have the patience or understanding required to deal with people I would never associate with.  Cops do.  Every day.  I get that.  And I appreciate the hell out of it.  I'm the guy who walks around the city on Thanksgiving shaking the hands of NYPD officers and thanking them.  It's a tradition I started my first Thanksgiving out here, and I will continue it as long as I am here.

Rafael Ramos was a testament to the NYPD and what makes cops great.  He was a spiritual man and has a wonderful family.  He cared about his community and he cared about his brother and sister officers.  From everything I've heard, he was a perfect cop.  Who got killed simply because he was a cop.

There's a rift here in the city between the NYPD and the Mayor.  I don't understand it, frankly, probably because I'm not a cop and I don't have bi-racial children like the mayor does.  The mayor said some things about how he's not comfortable with his kids being dealt with equally by cops and, in saying that, made the cops somewhat irate.  To the point where they actually turned their backs to the monitor when he was speaking today at the funeral.

And, therein, lies the problem.  We are becoming an intolerant society.  We are becoming intolerant of people with different opinions, different ideas, different skin colors, we are becoming intolerant of different.  AND THAT HAS TO STOP.  But it won't stop, and we all know it, until our government and leaders learn how to be tolerant.  Every day we hear stories from just about every house of our government about how they don't agree, about how the views of one political party or group are not tolerant of the view of the other.  Every day we see fingers pointed across the aisle or somewhere else.  We've become a nation of 'blame the other guy'.

And that leads cops to turn their back on the mayor at a funeral.  That leads to a government that can't pass laws.  That leads to people treating people differently.  A society of intolerance is a society that is doomed to fail.

And if it does, Officer Rafael Ramos will be sorely disappointed.