Ohana

My beautiful daughter, Maggie, reminded me of this phrase today (by now, yesterday).  It means, loosely translated, that our blood relatives are not forgotten or left behind.  As I sit here, very early on Christmas Eve morning, I must admit that I am feeling both left behind (which would be my choice) and forgotten (which isn't my choice).

There are three people in my life that I love to the very core of my being.  They are my children.  Maggie, Katie, and Tom.  And they have no idea how sad I am that I am not there to spend Christmas with them. 

You see, Christmas evolved with our family as we got older.  It evolved into us spending time with one another.  Just being together.  I didn't (for lots of reasons) appreciate that.  I think those three, and perhaps four and now five, people did.  I do, now that I'm not there to spend it with them.  Those traditions that we grew together (you all better be eating prime rib for supper, exchanging gifts downstairs, and then going to Midnight Mass tonight), they are what fuel us.  And they still fuel me, although I'm not there physically to share it.  And you can't imagine how sad that makes me feel.  And while I'm not there in body, know that I am there in spirit.

Know that the Birth of Jesus means something.  Know that the Incarnation is important.  I'm going to find a place here to celebrate it with you in spirit.  I am sad and regretful that I cannot, and choose not to, be with you on this lovely day.  But I also realize that the train of our lives must try very hard to keep on its track, not knowing where it is eventually headed.  But the track is already laid, no matter how curvy it can be, and the Layer is leading us on it.  I trust Him, even in those times He is silent.

And in that Silence, I seek peace.  And isn't that the true meaning of this season?  Seek Peace.  I am looking with an open mind and open heart.

But I miss my family terribly.  And I can only hope they miss me.  Although chances are...