It's always been a painful word for me. I suffer from it, maybe too much. I'm too proud to... admit that I'm wrong, listen to other opinions that are different than mine, think outside the box that I've so carefully constructed to protect all of the things that I really think need protecting, but really don't.
My pride has suffered the past several years. And in that suffering, I've grown tremendously.
But it's returned lately. And in a big, and very different, way.
I've mentioned my kids a lot on my blog. I spent some time with each of them last weekend (always not enough), and here's what I saw...
I saw my oldest daughter, Maggie, extremely happy working in "IT". She's finally landed in a place for full-time employment where she really believes she 'fits'. She's costuming the play, "Pippin", for a high school. But not doing a lot of the work herself, she's actually teaching the art of costuming to her students. Her paycheck is that of a coach, as well it should be. She's the president of the Minnesota Society of Costumers and is doing a couple of shows this weekend.
I saw my other daughter, Katie, happily raising my grandsons (Curt and Joe) and watched her interactions with them and her profound and very deep love for each of them. I got to look at her art, in many forms, and even commissioned her to do three paintings for my new apartment in Harlem. She's exhibiting this weekend at the St. Paul Art Crawl, showing some of her paintings and her needlework and her furniture. Being extremely creative while raising twins.
I saw my son, Tom, working as an Assistant General Manager at a Noodles & Co. When I walked in, he was cooking. And was so dialed in to that he didn't notice me for about 10 minutes. When he did, he made me dinner. (Know what it's like when your son makes you dinner?) And we hung out after his shift was done for a bit and just had a couple drinks and talked. He's working on opening another store in a couple of weeks and is continuing to grow in that company.
Yeah, that thing about pride. My traditional notion of the pride that held me back, that thing that I've been working so hard to bust apart, is back in spades. But it's back for my kids. Because all of the things I said above that held me back, I believe they saw that. And I believe that they don't do the same things I did for such a long time.
You have no idea how proud I am of my kids.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
The #8 Train Moves... to Harlem
It's been a while, but I thought I had to send a quick update in a not so timely fashion. The #8 train has moved! My old neighborhood is behind me and I'm now living in Harlem. Yes, that Harlem. Right smack dab in the middle of it. If you don't know anything about my new neighborhood, look up places like Sylvia's or the Red Rooster (some of the best restaurants in the city) or the Shrine (one of the best music places in the city) or...
I think it's funny when I tell people that I moved to Central Harlem and everybody says something like "I hear it's getting better" or "I hear it's being more gentrified" or "I hear there are a lot more white people in Harlem". Yeah, it's getting better. People up here care more than people I've seen elsewhere. It's becoming more gentrified because it's New York City and the rents are going up, which means the income level of people moving into Harlem is a bit higher. But there's a lot of rent control here (heck, my apartment is rent-controlled for 2 years), it evaporates when someone leaves and then is locked in with the new tenant. More white people? Haha. Visit me.
My last blog talked about my first weekend here, and it was really a profound experience. I really do feel like this is my neighborhood. People look at me here. People ask me how I'm doing here. People see that I'm a white guy, but they also know I live here. Like I said a couple months ago, I belong here. Are there people who don't think I should be here? Sure. But you know what? In my old neighborhood, people didn't think I belonged there either. But they showed it by avoiding me. I'm an eye contact person. If I look you in the eye, and you don't do the same, I don't belong. Yeah, that's my insecurity, but it is what it is. People here, for the most part, look you in the eye. That's one of the reasons I love living here.
I love living here because my perspective changes. All of the racial unrest in this country is personified in my neighborhood. People here have lived it for years. Police v. Public. This is Harlem. There were legitimate riots here in the 1960s. People my age remember them. And it's so much fun talking with and interacting with people my age here. Because our perspectives on life and what is right and wrong is, believe it or not, pretty much identical. And that's what makes this my neighborhood.
The #8 train has found a home for a while. It's going to be good to stay at this station and provide some reflections from a very different point of view. The White Guy in Harlem.
I think it's funny when I tell people that I moved to Central Harlem and everybody says something like "I hear it's getting better" or "I hear it's being more gentrified" or "I hear there are a lot more white people in Harlem". Yeah, it's getting better. People up here care more than people I've seen elsewhere. It's becoming more gentrified because it's New York City and the rents are going up, which means the income level of people moving into Harlem is a bit higher. But there's a lot of rent control here (heck, my apartment is rent-controlled for 2 years), it evaporates when someone leaves and then is locked in with the new tenant. More white people? Haha. Visit me.
My last blog talked about my first weekend here, and it was really a profound experience. I really do feel like this is my neighborhood. People look at me here. People ask me how I'm doing here. People see that I'm a white guy, but they also know I live here. Like I said a couple months ago, I belong here. Are there people who don't think I should be here? Sure. But you know what? In my old neighborhood, people didn't think I belonged there either. But they showed it by avoiding me. I'm an eye contact person. If I look you in the eye, and you don't do the same, I don't belong. Yeah, that's my insecurity, but it is what it is. People here, for the most part, look you in the eye. That's one of the reasons I love living here.
I love living here because my perspective changes. All of the racial unrest in this country is personified in my neighborhood. People here have lived it for years. Police v. Public. This is Harlem. There were legitimate riots here in the 1960s. People my age remember them. And it's so much fun talking with and interacting with people my age here. Because our perspectives on life and what is right and wrong is, believe it or not, pretty much identical. And that's what makes this my neighborhood.
The #8 train has found a home for a while. It's going to be good to stay at this station and provide some reflections from a very different point of view. The White Guy in Harlem.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
You Belong to Us Now
Moving sucks. It always has and it always will. I decided to move from where I was about a year ago (when my son, Tom, said he wanted to move to NYC). Lots of things helped solidify that with my old apartment, so I decided to move. May blog about the moving experience, because it was the exact opposite of pleasant, at some point. But I'd rather blog about my new neighborhood.
I moved to Harlem. Throw a dart at a map of Harlem, and I am dead center. I moved to Adam Clayton Powell Avenue (7th Avenue) between 131st and 132nd street. I am now in a 3BR apartment (with 2 king-sized bedrooms and a full bedroom that will be used as an office) with a large kitchen and lots of room. I didn't move my cats (subject for another blog, I think I'll have lots of blogs about moving...).
My son, Tom, came out this weekend. I think he came to rest, but we got a little bit of work done here in the apartment. Which was very good, but I think his primary reason was to introduce me to people. We tried to stay in the neighborhood for the most part (despite going to the office on Friday and to an old haunt on Saturday for brunch).
We ate at Harlem BBQ on Saturday night and brought a bunch of food home (which is good, I'll still need to eat) and came home to chill for a bit. Which we did, then Tom decided it was time to go out and grab a drink. What am I going to say?
We ended up at a french bistro up the street a block and half away and we started talking to some of the folks there. I heard this phrase, "you belong to us now" a couple of times from more than one person. So what did we do?
Well, we went over to Sylvia's for brunch (where Tom had the best fried chicken he'd ever had in his life) and came back and chilled for a bit then went back to that bistro. We had a couple of beers and the bartender continued to introduce me to people from the neighborhood. Every single person was engaging and interested, and every single one said "you belong to us now".
Yes, I do. And I've never felt more welcome in a neighborhood. I belong to you as much as you belong to me, and I am ecstatic to live here!
I moved to Harlem. Throw a dart at a map of Harlem, and I am dead center. I moved to Adam Clayton Powell Avenue (7th Avenue) between 131st and 132nd street. I am now in a 3BR apartment (with 2 king-sized bedrooms and a full bedroom that will be used as an office) with a large kitchen and lots of room. I didn't move my cats (subject for another blog, I think I'll have lots of blogs about moving...).
My son, Tom, came out this weekend. I think he came to rest, but we got a little bit of work done here in the apartment. Which was very good, but I think his primary reason was to introduce me to people. We tried to stay in the neighborhood for the most part (despite going to the office on Friday and to an old haunt on Saturday for brunch).
We ate at Harlem BBQ on Saturday night and brought a bunch of food home (which is good, I'll still need to eat) and came home to chill for a bit. Which we did, then Tom decided it was time to go out and grab a drink. What am I going to say?
We ended up at a french bistro up the street a block and half away and we started talking to some of the folks there. I heard this phrase, "you belong to us now" a couple of times from more than one person. So what did we do?
Well, we went over to Sylvia's for brunch (where Tom had the best fried chicken he'd ever had in his life) and came back and chilled for a bit then went back to that bistro. We had a couple of beers and the bartender continued to introduce me to people from the neighborhood. Every single person was engaging and interested, and every single one said "you belong to us now".
Yes, I do. And I've never felt more welcome in a neighborhood. I belong to you as much as you belong to me, and I am ecstatic to live here!
Saturday, June 6, 2015
I Can't Imagine...
Burying a child. The Vice President of the United States of America did that today. For the second time. And my heart reaches out to Joe Biden today.
Beau Biden, who was the Attorney General of Delaware and an Iraqi War veteran, and had a lot of promise in the Democratic Party (I would have supported him as a candidate for President, like I did his father in 1988). He was a lot like his Dad. And I really like his Dad. He served and realized that was his calling and no words can eulogize that properly. But I can put it in my perspective...
I can't imagine Maggie dying right now. She is an awesome costumer and an awesome analyst looking for her break. I can't imagine Katie dying right now. She is an awesome mother and an awesome creative talent. I can't imagine Tom dying right now. He is an awesome chef and an awesome comedian. It would be so unfair. And I would be absolutely devastated.
So today, my heart is with Joe Biden.
May your son rest in peace in the company of angels.
Beau Biden, who was the Attorney General of Delaware and an Iraqi War veteran, and had a lot of promise in the Democratic Party (I would have supported him as a candidate for President, like I did his father in 1988). He was a lot like his Dad. And I really like his Dad. He served and realized that was his calling and no words can eulogize that properly. But I can put it in my perspective...
I can't imagine Maggie dying right now. She is an awesome costumer and an awesome analyst looking for her break. I can't imagine Katie dying right now. She is an awesome mother and an awesome creative talent. I can't imagine Tom dying right now. He is an awesome chef and an awesome comedian. It would be so unfair. And I would be absolutely devastated.
So today, my heart is with Joe Biden.
May your son rest in peace in the company of angels.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
One Month Review
One month review...
Get back into shape... Let's see, I started T25 on January 5, did 8 workouts, and realized that an overweight, 52 year old guy is definitely NOT who can take the best advantage of it after I tweaked my knee. It's still healing, but I am still committed to getting in better shape once it's healed!
I am trying to pray every day. Not quite there yet, but definitely trying.
Eating... Definitely improving! Still need to do a little better for breakfast, but lunch and dinner are both routine.
Walking... I'll be back on it after this knee thing resolves. If it's still bugging me when I have my annual physical on March 10, I'm definitely telling the doctor.
Job... Knocking it out of the park (actually take a break to jot this down)!
Seeing the family... Haven't yet this year, but am planning to do so later this month. Really looking forward to it. If I can afford to get back for Uncle Russ' funeral this week, it will give me another opportunity.
Kara... Is still around, we're actually getting out of the city next weekend for a few days in the Dominican Republic (on points and miles, thank you IBI).
Drinking... Am definitely drinking less, and that's a good thing.
Blogging... Have to do better!
Get back into shape... Let's see, I started T25 on January 5, did 8 workouts, and realized that an overweight, 52 year old guy is definitely NOT who can take the best advantage of it after I tweaked my knee. It's still healing, but I am still committed to getting in better shape once it's healed!
I am trying to pray every day. Not quite there yet, but definitely trying.
Eating... Definitely improving! Still need to do a little better for breakfast, but lunch and dinner are both routine.
Walking... I'll be back on it after this knee thing resolves. If it's still bugging me when I have my annual physical on March 10, I'm definitely telling the doctor.
Job... Knocking it out of the park (actually take a break to jot this down)!
Seeing the family... Haven't yet this year, but am planning to do so later this month. Really looking forward to it. If I can afford to get back for Uncle Russ' funeral this week, it will give me another opportunity.
Kara... Is still around, we're actually getting out of the city next weekend for a few days in the Dominican Republic (on points and miles, thank you IBI).
Drinking... Am definitely drinking less, and that's a good thing.
Blogging... Have to do better!
Saturday, January 3, 2015
It's About Time...
To start taking a peek at 2015 and some of the things I want to do this year. I don't like to make 'resolutions' because they usually are too big and too vague and too hard to achieve. Saying I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to quit smoking, I'm going to try to be nice to people I don't like, etc. Stuff like that. (For the record, in 2008 one of my resolutions was to lose weight and I lost over 100 pounds and in 2013 I resolved to quit smoking and, finally, succeeded.) But I don't want to think that big because I think I'm in a pretty decent place. My New Year will start on Monday, by the way. But there are some things I need to re-focus on...
I want to get in better shape and take better care of myself. I'm starting Focus T25 on Monday. This 10 week program should help me get started the right way. Intense, 25 minute workouts every Monday to Friday, followed by a weekend of rest and stretching. If my body is up to it (and I think it is), this should be a great challenge!
I want to try to find some time every day to pray. Well, maybe not to pray. I want to try to find time every day to be quiet. To shut down the brain, to stop talking to myself, to just listen. Maybe this time will be after my workout while I stop sweating, maybe it will be when I get home from the office, heck, it might even be at the office! But I need to find time every day to listen to my soul.
I need to eat 3 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, supper. My eating habits are horrible and they probably lead to my current body shape (increasingly round). I want to eat better and more healthy, too, but I think I'm doing OK with that.
I want to get back to walking at least 2 miles every morning (after the T25 is over). I really need to get my steps up from about 5K to 10K every day. Should improve my fitness level. I did pretty good for a few months in 2014, but fell off when the weather changed. My plantar fasciitis and throwing my back out (again) didn't help that much.
I want to be successful in my job. I struggled for a while after some decisions were made that I didn't agree with, and that impacted my job performance and my attitude on the job. I've come to accept the decisions (probably because I can't change them) and have found a 'groove'. I want to stay positive, but I also want to stay honest.
I want to see my children and my grandchildren more in 2015 than I did in 2014. I saw them a lot more in 2014 than I had in the previous 2 or 3 years, and I had a wonderful (if challenging) time every time I did. My kids make me better. I never thought that having adult children would be as much fun as it really is. And I thought that once they were adults that my love for them would begin to erode. I'm really glad it hasn't. And I want to talk to them all way more often. And I want them to feel OK that, when I don't, it's OK to call me and tell me that I'm not calling enough.
I want to keep hanging out with Kara. I've never been in a platonic relationship with a woman like I am with her. She really is wonderful. Both as a friend and as a 'life coach'. It's really cool to spend time with someone with a different perspective on the world than mine. You see, Kara was born in Korea. She moved to Minnesota when she was 4, went to Breck for high school and Concordia (Moorhead) for college. She's extremely athletic, eats fantastically (and cooks pretty good, too), and is just fun to spend time with.
I probably should drink less. I don't believe I'm an alcoholic, and have had that confirmed a couple of times. I think concentrating on fitness will help me do that. Switching to drink vodka/soda instead of beer because it has fewer calories is kinda silly. I just need to drink less.
Lastly, I want to blog more. This kind of goes back to the 'listening (i.e., praying)' that I want to do more of, believe it or not. A lot of the things in my head stay there until I put them down in black and white and can see them. It's easier to get rid of them. Not just what's going inside me (because, let's face it, it really isn't all THAT exciting), but what's going on around me as well. 2015 is going to bring a move and a readjustment to a new neighborhood, it may bring more, and when I can express those things in a blog, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Here's to 2015 and all that it has to offer! Here's to living out my wants and my needs!
I want to get in better shape and take better care of myself. I'm starting Focus T25 on Monday. This 10 week program should help me get started the right way. Intense, 25 minute workouts every Monday to Friday, followed by a weekend of rest and stretching. If my body is up to it (and I think it is), this should be a great challenge!
I want to try to find some time every day to pray. Well, maybe not to pray. I want to try to find time every day to be quiet. To shut down the brain, to stop talking to myself, to just listen. Maybe this time will be after my workout while I stop sweating, maybe it will be when I get home from the office, heck, it might even be at the office! But I need to find time every day to listen to my soul.
I need to eat 3 times a day. Breakfast, lunch, supper. My eating habits are horrible and they probably lead to my current body shape (increasingly round). I want to eat better and more healthy, too, but I think I'm doing OK with that.
I want to get back to walking at least 2 miles every morning (after the T25 is over). I really need to get my steps up from about 5K to 10K every day. Should improve my fitness level. I did pretty good for a few months in 2014, but fell off when the weather changed. My plantar fasciitis and throwing my back out (again) didn't help that much.
I want to be successful in my job. I struggled for a while after some decisions were made that I didn't agree with, and that impacted my job performance and my attitude on the job. I've come to accept the decisions (probably because I can't change them) and have found a 'groove'. I want to stay positive, but I also want to stay honest.
I want to see my children and my grandchildren more in 2015 than I did in 2014. I saw them a lot more in 2014 than I had in the previous 2 or 3 years, and I had a wonderful (if challenging) time every time I did. My kids make me better. I never thought that having adult children would be as much fun as it really is. And I thought that once they were adults that my love for them would begin to erode. I'm really glad it hasn't. And I want to talk to them all way more often. And I want them to feel OK that, when I don't, it's OK to call me and tell me that I'm not calling enough.
I want to keep hanging out with Kara. I've never been in a platonic relationship with a woman like I am with her. She really is wonderful. Both as a friend and as a 'life coach'. It's really cool to spend time with someone with a different perspective on the world than mine. You see, Kara was born in Korea. She moved to Minnesota when she was 4, went to Breck for high school and Concordia (Moorhead) for college. She's extremely athletic, eats fantastically (and cooks pretty good, too), and is just fun to spend time with.
I probably should drink less. I don't believe I'm an alcoholic, and have had that confirmed a couple of times. I think concentrating on fitness will help me do that. Switching to drink vodka/soda instead of beer because it has fewer calories is kinda silly. I just need to drink less.
Lastly, I want to blog more. This kind of goes back to the 'listening (i.e., praying)' that I want to do more of, believe it or not. A lot of the things in my head stay there until I put them down in black and white and can see them. It's easier to get rid of them. Not just what's going inside me (because, let's face it, it really isn't all THAT exciting), but what's going on around me as well. 2015 is going to bring a move and a readjustment to a new neighborhood, it may bring more, and when I can express those things in a blog, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Here's to 2015 and all that it has to offer! Here's to living out my wants and my needs!
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Requiescat in Pacem, Rafael Ramos
The City of New York, and the New York Police Department, buried one of our (their) own today. Rafael Ramos was buried. Officer Ramos was assassinated last Saturday with his partner, Weinjin Liu. As I watched the funeral this morning, I could not help but be moved by the words expressed by the pastors and government leaders. It is true, police officers put it out there every day.
My uncle, Rich, was a cop. His son, Jim, is a cop. It's a job I could never do, I don't have the patience for law breakers, nor do I have the patience or understanding required to deal with people I would never associate with. Cops do. Every day. I get that. And I appreciate the hell out of it. I'm the guy who walks around the city on Thanksgiving shaking the hands of NYPD officers and thanking them. It's a tradition I started my first Thanksgiving out here, and I will continue it as long as I am here.
Rafael Ramos was a testament to the NYPD and what makes cops great. He was a spiritual man and has a wonderful family. He cared about his community and he cared about his brother and sister officers. From everything I've heard, he was a perfect cop. Who got killed simply because he was a cop.
There's a rift here in the city between the NYPD and the Mayor. I don't understand it, frankly, probably because I'm not a cop and I don't have bi-racial children like the mayor does. The mayor said some things about how he's not comfortable with his kids being dealt with equally by cops and, in saying that, made the cops somewhat irate. To the point where they actually turned their backs to the monitor when he was speaking today at the funeral.
And, therein, lies the problem. We are becoming an intolerant society. We are becoming intolerant of people with different opinions, different ideas, different skin colors, we are becoming intolerant of different. AND THAT HAS TO STOP. But it won't stop, and we all know it, until our government and leaders learn how to be tolerant. Every day we hear stories from just about every house of our government about how they don't agree, about how the views of one political party or group are not tolerant of the view of the other. Every day we see fingers pointed across the aisle or somewhere else. We've become a nation of 'blame the other guy'.
And that leads cops to turn their back on the mayor at a funeral. That leads to a government that can't pass laws. That leads to people treating people differently. A society of intolerance is a society that is doomed to fail.
And if it does, Officer Rafael Ramos will be sorely disappointed.
My uncle, Rich, was a cop. His son, Jim, is a cop. It's a job I could never do, I don't have the patience for law breakers, nor do I have the patience or understanding required to deal with people I would never associate with. Cops do. Every day. I get that. And I appreciate the hell out of it. I'm the guy who walks around the city on Thanksgiving shaking the hands of NYPD officers and thanking them. It's a tradition I started my first Thanksgiving out here, and I will continue it as long as I am here.
Rafael Ramos was a testament to the NYPD and what makes cops great. He was a spiritual man and has a wonderful family. He cared about his community and he cared about his brother and sister officers. From everything I've heard, he was a perfect cop. Who got killed simply because he was a cop.
There's a rift here in the city between the NYPD and the Mayor. I don't understand it, frankly, probably because I'm not a cop and I don't have bi-racial children like the mayor does. The mayor said some things about how he's not comfortable with his kids being dealt with equally by cops and, in saying that, made the cops somewhat irate. To the point where they actually turned their backs to the monitor when he was speaking today at the funeral.
And, therein, lies the problem. We are becoming an intolerant society. We are becoming intolerant of people with different opinions, different ideas, different skin colors, we are becoming intolerant of different. AND THAT HAS TO STOP. But it won't stop, and we all know it, until our government and leaders learn how to be tolerant. Every day we hear stories from just about every house of our government about how they don't agree, about how the views of one political party or group are not tolerant of the view of the other. Every day we see fingers pointed across the aisle or somewhere else. We've become a nation of 'blame the other guy'.
And that leads cops to turn their back on the mayor at a funeral. That leads to a government that can't pass laws. That leads to people treating people differently. A society of intolerance is a society that is doomed to fail.
And if it does, Officer Rafael Ramos will be sorely disappointed.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
The train has been moving along nicely as of late, but usually comes to a screeching halt over the holidays. It's good, because it gives me a chance to do some reflection on where I'm at, what I'm doing (or not doing) right, and what's and who's important.
It started, actually, last weekend. I spent some time in Dorado, about 25 miles outside of San Juan, in Puerto Rico. Five days of sitting by the pool with one of my best friends was exactly what I needed. It was an insane few months between Labor Day and Thanksgiving at work, doing seminars in 19 different cities all over the US and Canada. I was not home for a full week until the week of Thanksgiving, and now we're in full on 2015 preparation mode. So those few days sitting by the pool and not answering emails (but checking them, of course, because nobody wants to come back from a few days away and wade through hundreds of emails) were just what the doctor ordered.
But what sucks about this time of the year is being alone. I think I blogged about that my first year out here in NYC, but my circumstance is a little different now and I'm in a MUCH better place. Of course, that doesn't mean that I didn't move the Kleenex box out to the living room on Christmas Eve and listen to Christmas music and cry a bit. Yeah, it sucks being along on the holidays, but that's what I chose. It would be nice, though, if some of the friends I have out here would invite me over. But I get it, Christmas is family time. And it's when I miss mine the most.
It's funny, Christmas. It makes me hearken back to a few years ago when I was working at St. Rita's and have such fond memories of all the people there. Getting ready for Christmas in the parish was such a fun time! The highlight every year was usually me arguing with Christina Quast over how the environment should be set up. And I'm happy to remember that I usually won those arguments! I do miss belonging to a faith community, mainly because I still consider myself a Roman Catholic who just can't live with some of the changes to the Mass (see my previous blog) and the continuing refusal of the hierarchy of the Church to take responsibility for some of the scandals and crimes made by priests and bishops.
Back to Christmas... I find it funny (the ironic kind of funny) that for one day a year everybody talks about peace, puts things aside for a day, and spends it with their family. These couple of days are usually filled with peace, joy, happiness, and laughs. And every religious tradition has something like Christmas, but I'll stick to Christmas because that's my religious tradition. We take the day or two off and relax. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But here in the United States in particular, we go back to being our regular selves the next day and look forward to the next Christmas and pretty much forget about the holiday we just celebrated.
And that's where we make our biggest mistake (and I'm just as guilty). We forget that Christmas is about the Incarnation of the Son of God. We forget that Christmas is designed to remind us that He needs to continually be born in us, every day, not just on Christmas. We forget His message of love of God and love of neighbor. We go back to the status quo, where everyone is in it for themselves and not even giving one damn about how we get to where we want to go during that journey, no matter how much it hurts others. We forget Christmas on December 26.
I'm going to try very hard not to do that.
It started, actually, last weekend. I spent some time in Dorado, about 25 miles outside of San Juan, in Puerto Rico. Five days of sitting by the pool with one of my best friends was exactly what I needed. It was an insane few months between Labor Day and Thanksgiving at work, doing seminars in 19 different cities all over the US and Canada. I was not home for a full week until the week of Thanksgiving, and now we're in full on 2015 preparation mode. So those few days sitting by the pool and not answering emails (but checking them, of course, because nobody wants to come back from a few days away and wade through hundreds of emails) were just what the doctor ordered.
But what sucks about this time of the year is being alone. I think I blogged about that my first year out here in NYC, but my circumstance is a little different now and I'm in a MUCH better place. Of course, that doesn't mean that I didn't move the Kleenex box out to the living room on Christmas Eve and listen to Christmas music and cry a bit. Yeah, it sucks being along on the holidays, but that's what I chose. It would be nice, though, if some of the friends I have out here would invite me over. But I get it, Christmas is family time. And it's when I miss mine the most.
It's funny, Christmas. It makes me hearken back to a few years ago when I was working at St. Rita's and have such fond memories of all the people there. Getting ready for Christmas in the parish was such a fun time! The highlight every year was usually me arguing with Christina Quast over how the environment should be set up. And I'm happy to remember that I usually won those arguments! I do miss belonging to a faith community, mainly because I still consider myself a Roman Catholic who just can't live with some of the changes to the Mass (see my previous blog) and the continuing refusal of the hierarchy of the Church to take responsibility for some of the scandals and crimes made by priests and bishops.
Back to Christmas... I find it funny (the ironic kind of funny) that for one day a year everybody talks about peace, puts things aside for a day, and spends it with their family. These couple of days are usually filled with peace, joy, happiness, and laughs. And every religious tradition has something like Christmas, but I'll stick to Christmas because that's my religious tradition. We take the day or two off and relax. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But here in the United States in particular, we go back to being our regular selves the next day and look forward to the next Christmas and pretty much forget about the holiday we just celebrated.
And that's where we make our biggest mistake (and I'm just as guilty). We forget that Christmas is about the Incarnation of the Son of God. We forget that Christmas is designed to remind us that He needs to continually be born in us, every day, not just on Christmas. We forget His message of love of God and love of neighbor. We go back to the status quo, where everyone is in it for themselves and not even giving one damn about how we get to where we want to go during that journey, no matter how much it hurts others. We forget Christmas on December 26.
I'm going to try very hard not to do that.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thanksgiving 2015
Thanksgiving is usually a time for me to reflect on a lot of things, and this year is no exception.
Reflection #1 - I really don't blog enough. I find that blogging about important things is something I'm not really doing enough of right now. There's lots of things going on like "why don't we know what's going on in Africa?" or "just what the heck is happening in Ferguson?" or "why is Black Friday such a big deal when the deals are better on Christmas Eve?"
Reflection #2 - Happiness is something to strive daily for, and I don't do a good job of that. It's pretty easy to sit in the recliner and pet the cats and watch the gecko (don't ask) and watch TV and wonder why I'm not very happy. Because I'm not really trying to be happy all the time and I'm not looking for ways to be happy. Probably should do more of that. Thanksgiving this year is a great example. I tried to convince people that I was going to be perfectly happy sitting in the recliner with a TV dinner or two and watching football. Then my friend, Allie, texted me and we got together in the afternoon at a cool bar on the Lower East Side, drank cheap (but good) alcohols, ate some chicken wings, watched football, and had a blast. Sometimes happiness finds me when I'm not looking for it too hard.
Reflection #3 - I miss my children (and my grandchildren). I've got a little better at reaching back to them, but I can always do better. The thing I regret the most about relocating to NYC (there are few things, but looking at my weather app and seeing the weather in Minny, leaving THAT is something I don't regret one bit) is not being close to them. So I've got to do a better job at reaching out and getting back to visit.
Reflection #4 - I'm lucky to be involved in a platonic relationship with someone awfully cool. It's fun once in a while to cook with someone, to argue over what's for dinner, to have a few drinks with, to travel with. It helps that she's very active and encouraging me to be more active. It helps that she's Asian (Korean, actually), which exposes me to different ways of thinking and acting. She's given me a real good glimpse into 'managing circles' so they don't intersect. I don't like that. But I like having someone to hang out with on a pretty regular basis.
Reflection #5 - I'm sad I've lost my relationship with the Church. It wasn't really my choice, I had to stand by my word. And it's only one word (plus some behaviors I don't approve of) that caused this. The Church changed the word, "all" to the word, "many" in the words of institution of the Eucharist. That limits God's ability to welcome all and gives people the ability to decide on the many. And that's just not my image of God.
Refection #6 - I never thought I'd blog about this, but I'm really excited for the Gopher football team. It's been a fun season of trying to watch every game and I never expected them to be in a position to play in one game to get to the Big Ten championship game. And that's pretty darn exciting.
That's about it for today, need to get some cleaning done before the weekend. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and please, seek happiness.
Reflection #1 - I really don't blog enough. I find that blogging about important things is something I'm not really doing enough of right now. There's lots of things going on like "why don't we know what's going on in Africa?" or "just what the heck is happening in Ferguson?" or "why is Black Friday such a big deal when the deals are better on Christmas Eve?"
Reflection #2 - Happiness is something to strive daily for, and I don't do a good job of that. It's pretty easy to sit in the recliner and pet the cats and watch the gecko (don't ask) and watch TV and wonder why I'm not very happy. Because I'm not really trying to be happy all the time and I'm not looking for ways to be happy. Probably should do more of that. Thanksgiving this year is a great example. I tried to convince people that I was going to be perfectly happy sitting in the recliner with a TV dinner or two and watching football. Then my friend, Allie, texted me and we got together in the afternoon at a cool bar on the Lower East Side, drank cheap (but good) alcohols, ate some chicken wings, watched football, and had a blast. Sometimes happiness finds me when I'm not looking for it too hard.
Reflection #3 - I miss my children (and my grandchildren). I've got a little better at reaching back to them, but I can always do better. The thing I regret the most about relocating to NYC (there are few things, but looking at my weather app and seeing the weather in Minny, leaving THAT is something I don't regret one bit) is not being close to them. So I've got to do a better job at reaching out and getting back to visit.
Reflection #4 - I'm lucky to be involved in a platonic relationship with someone awfully cool. It's fun once in a while to cook with someone, to argue over what's for dinner, to have a few drinks with, to travel with. It helps that she's very active and encouraging me to be more active. It helps that she's Asian (Korean, actually), which exposes me to different ways of thinking and acting. She's given me a real good glimpse into 'managing circles' so they don't intersect. I don't like that. But I like having someone to hang out with on a pretty regular basis.
Reflection #5 - I'm sad I've lost my relationship with the Church. It wasn't really my choice, I had to stand by my word. And it's only one word (plus some behaviors I don't approve of) that caused this. The Church changed the word, "all" to the word, "many" in the words of institution of the Eucharist. That limits God's ability to welcome all and gives people the ability to decide on the many. And that's just not my image of God.
Refection #6 - I never thought I'd blog about this, but I'm really excited for the Gopher football team. It's been a fun season of trying to watch every game and I never expected them to be in a position to play in one game to get to the Big Ten championship game. And that's pretty darn exciting.
That's about it for today, need to get some cleaning done before the weekend. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and please, seek happiness.
Monday, September 30, 2013
The #8 Train Looks at Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies
It would be irresponsible to blog that I hated the book. Because that's SOOO not the case. There were elements of it that I absolutely adored... The Burns stuff makes me laugh out loud every time I read it, the chapter on Jesus was phenomenal, anything that had to do with the economy and the greed in our culture was (my opinion) spot on. I got lost in some of the sci-fi and gaming stuff, I expected to, they just haven't (yet) piqued my interest.
However, there's an underlying anti-religion message. Keep in mind, that is vastly different from an anti-faith message. Religion is the communal expression of a shared faith. Be it the Catholic religion, the Jewish religion, the Hindu religion, the Buddhist religion, you get the point... Faith doesn't mean squat if it can't be shared, examined, torn apart (more about this in a bit), and subjected to some scrutiny. I believe that people don't come to blindly accept a faith anymore. I think there is far too much evidence in our scientific world to suggest that we can pretty much explain just about everything. And that's cool. But it can't explain that feeling I have when I see my children (or the ultrasound pictures of my daughter's twins). There's something THERE. I don't know what it is, but I think it's the work of the Divine in my life.
I've come to learn to have a profound disrespect for my Church. It's sad, really. I wanted to be a Catholic priest. I would have been an awesome priest. But they wouldn't let me, because I also wanted to be a Dad. My choice was amazingly correct. But I studied the religious aspect of that faith (ad nauseum) and the historical implications from whence it came. I understand how theology adapted to changing society. I understand what happened to the Church (note the capitalization) during the feudal society and the role of the Catholic hierarchy in that society. And I understand that the choices the Church made were easy. After all, their priests and hierarchy were the only ones who knew how to read and write! You see, we have a problem, honestly. We blame the Church. But the Church was simply adapting to the way society was working. That's kind of like all religions have worked over time. Now, does that make religion itself bad?
There's one more step we have to take, though, before we answer that question. Once we "get" the history, we need to realize how it's applied TODAY. The thing that drove me away from the Catholic Church was the sexual abuse crisis. (See past blog on Penn State.) At no point in history should the sexual abuse of children be condoned. So, when a pedophile is a priest and offends, the ONLY fix to that is to say "you aren't working as a priest anymore". Instead, bishops all over the world were complicit in allowing these guys to not only continue to function in their ministries, they just moved them somewhere else WHERE THEY COULD DO THE SAME THING. And assumed no culpability for that. To that, I say "bullshit". Pedophilia is a disease. It should be treated. I pity the men that have that disease, in the same way I pity those who have other psychological disorders. I can't blame them for this. I blame a structure that perpetuated it and never confronted it. And I, personally, need to get past this. I know men who are no longer priests because of this and I know their victims. I know men who are still priests (and some are now deceased, RIP Paul Dudley, one of the finest men I've ever known) who were wrongfully accused. Finally now, it's become a legal issue and not an issue of canon law.
But let's go back a couple paragraphs and look at what religion should REALLY be. It should be a ritualistic expression of an individual's faith celebrated in community. The rituals and the teachings of the religion should reflect the community. OR (and this is a big OR) it should provide the ability of the religion to provide guidance to its adherents as to what they should or should not believe. Sounds Jonestown-like, right? In the final analysis, if a "real" religion doesn't exhibit cult-like features, it really shouldn't be a religion. "Cult" has a negative connotation (thanks James Jones and the Moonies), it shouldn't. A cult is close-knit group of people who are trying to live out their faith as they understand it. And they get together once in a while to share how that's going and celebrate it.
When we're doing it right, that's Church.
However, there's an underlying anti-religion message. Keep in mind, that is vastly different from an anti-faith message. Religion is the communal expression of a shared faith. Be it the Catholic religion, the Jewish religion, the Hindu religion, the Buddhist religion, you get the point... Faith doesn't mean squat if it can't be shared, examined, torn apart (more about this in a bit), and subjected to some scrutiny. I believe that people don't come to blindly accept a faith anymore. I think there is far too much evidence in our scientific world to suggest that we can pretty much explain just about everything. And that's cool. But it can't explain that feeling I have when I see my children (or the ultrasound pictures of my daughter's twins). There's something THERE. I don't know what it is, but I think it's the work of the Divine in my life.
I've come to learn to have a profound disrespect for my Church. It's sad, really. I wanted to be a Catholic priest. I would have been an awesome priest. But they wouldn't let me, because I also wanted to be a Dad. My choice was amazingly correct. But I studied the religious aspect of that faith (ad nauseum) and the historical implications from whence it came. I understand how theology adapted to changing society. I understand what happened to the Church (note the capitalization) during the feudal society and the role of the Catholic hierarchy in that society. And I understand that the choices the Church made were easy. After all, their priests and hierarchy were the only ones who knew how to read and write! You see, we have a problem, honestly. We blame the Church. But the Church was simply adapting to the way society was working. That's kind of like all religions have worked over time. Now, does that make religion itself bad?
There's one more step we have to take, though, before we answer that question. Once we "get" the history, we need to realize how it's applied TODAY. The thing that drove me away from the Catholic Church was the sexual abuse crisis. (See past blog on Penn State.) At no point in history should the sexual abuse of children be condoned. So, when a pedophile is a priest and offends, the ONLY fix to that is to say "you aren't working as a priest anymore". Instead, bishops all over the world were complicit in allowing these guys to not only continue to function in their ministries, they just moved them somewhere else WHERE THEY COULD DO THE SAME THING. And assumed no culpability for that. To that, I say "bullshit". Pedophilia is a disease. It should be treated. I pity the men that have that disease, in the same way I pity those who have other psychological disorders. I can't blame them for this. I blame a structure that perpetuated it and never confronted it. And I, personally, need to get past this. I know men who are no longer priests because of this and I know their victims. I know men who are still priests (and some are now deceased, RIP Paul Dudley, one of the finest men I've ever known) who were wrongfully accused. Finally now, it's become a legal issue and not an issue of canon law.
But let's go back a couple paragraphs and look at what religion should REALLY be. It should be a ritualistic expression of an individual's faith celebrated in community. The rituals and the teachings of the religion should reflect the community. OR (and this is a big OR) it should provide the ability of the religion to provide guidance to its adherents as to what they should or should not believe. Sounds Jonestown-like, right? In the final analysis, if a "real" religion doesn't exhibit cult-like features, it really shouldn't be a religion. "Cult" has a negative connotation (thanks James Jones and the Moonies), it shouldn't. A cult is close-knit group of people who are trying to live out their faith as they understand it. And they get together once in a while to share how that's going and celebrate it.
When we're doing it right, that's Church.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
July 4 - What Does it Really Mean?
I will never purport to be an expert on the beginnings of the Revolutionary War, nor will I purport to be an expert on the signers of the Declaration of Independence, nor will I purport to be an expert on what was going through the minds of people in the late 18th century.
Here's what I learned in my formative years... People of the colonies were tired of British rule. They wanted to be able to govern themselves, to have their own way of doing things, and to be responsible for themselves. Pretty noble, I think. And, with the help of the French and the Germans, they went to war for those noble purposes. And the war was won. I guess that's a good thing. Had to do it again a few years later, but the British finally figured out that this very large hunk of land probably wasn't worth governing from London.
And we, as a nation, grew. We expanded to those hunks. I grew up in one of them. And I now live in one of the original hunks. And we prospered and continued to grow. We, as a nation, grew to be one of the greatest superpowers in the world. We went to war several times (the Mexican American war, World War I, World War II, the Korean Conflict, Vietnam, Iraq I, Iraq II, Afghanistan, and probably a few others that I can't remember) and we've done pretty well in those. And. over the years, we've become a superpower.
Superpowers (I'm not going to say dynasty, because 237 years just can't constitute that) come and they go. Superpowers usually advocate for a way of life. The Soviet Union advocated marxist communism, China advocates a variant of that, Saudi Arabia (make no mistake, they're a superpower) advocates an islamic government.
As I look around the world, it appears as though our country is on a path to support democracy. Again, I guess that's noble. Democracy is a good thing, and it's worked pretty well in the diversity that is our nation. And we believe that democracy is something that should be supported worldwide. That's where we've got it wrong, my friends.
What we should be advocates for is something more basic than a form of government.
We should be advocates for peace. "We don't negotiate with terrorists" is a common policy. I just heard on the news "we need to pave the way for democracy". We hear it every single day, where this country is in the face of other countries advocating democracy while those countries are warring internally and we are telling them they must be democratic. Stop it. Just stop it.
평화. That's the Korean word for peace. Pyeonghwa. When we're talking to countries about what's going on and what we want, that's what we should want. Not democracy, not to be an ally, not to create a global economy where they can be a part. PEACE. That's what we should want for them.
And we shouldn't be afraid to talk about how we're not peaceful. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about how we spy on our own people. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about basic human rights and how we struggle with providing them.
Think, for just a few minutes, about how the conversations around and about our foreign policy would change if we advocated for peace and not democracy. [Here is your thinking part]
The funny thing about peace is that it's something we have to seek. It won't find us. And that's where this blog starts to end. We can't advocate for peace if we don't seek it ourselves.
I tattooed 평화 on my left arm to remind me that I need to always seek it.
Here's what I learned in my formative years... People of the colonies were tired of British rule. They wanted to be able to govern themselves, to have their own way of doing things, and to be responsible for themselves. Pretty noble, I think. And, with the help of the French and the Germans, they went to war for those noble purposes. And the war was won. I guess that's a good thing. Had to do it again a few years later, but the British finally figured out that this very large hunk of land probably wasn't worth governing from London.
And we, as a nation, grew. We expanded to those hunks. I grew up in one of them. And I now live in one of the original hunks. And we prospered and continued to grow. We, as a nation, grew to be one of the greatest superpowers in the world. We went to war several times (the Mexican American war, World War I, World War II, the Korean Conflict, Vietnam, Iraq I, Iraq II, Afghanistan, and probably a few others that I can't remember) and we've done pretty well in those. And. over the years, we've become a superpower.
Superpowers (I'm not going to say dynasty, because 237 years just can't constitute that) come and they go. Superpowers usually advocate for a way of life. The Soviet Union advocated marxist communism, China advocates a variant of that, Saudi Arabia (make no mistake, they're a superpower) advocates an islamic government.
As I look around the world, it appears as though our country is on a path to support democracy. Again, I guess that's noble. Democracy is a good thing, and it's worked pretty well in the diversity that is our nation. And we believe that democracy is something that should be supported worldwide. That's where we've got it wrong, my friends.
What we should be advocates for is something more basic than a form of government.
We should be advocates for peace. "We don't negotiate with terrorists" is a common policy. I just heard on the news "we need to pave the way for democracy". We hear it every single day, where this country is in the face of other countries advocating democracy while those countries are warring internally and we are telling them they must be democratic. Stop it. Just stop it.
평화. That's the Korean word for peace. Pyeonghwa. When we're talking to countries about what's going on and what we want, that's what we should want. Not democracy, not to be an ally, not to create a global economy where they can be a part. PEACE. That's what we should want for them.
And we shouldn't be afraid to talk about how we're not peaceful. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about how we spy on our own people. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about basic human rights and how we struggle with providing them.
Think, for just a few minutes, about how the conversations around and about our foreign policy would change if we advocated for peace and not democracy. [Here is your thinking part]
The funny thing about peace is that it's something we have to seek. It won't find us. And that's where this blog starts to end. We can't advocate for peace if we don't seek it ourselves.
I tattooed 평화 on my left arm to remind me that I need to always seek it.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Easter 2013
As I begin this blog with some crying and trying real hard to figure out what Easter means, I know some things...
I know that Jesus rose from the dead. I feel it. I can't explain it. I'm sorry that I can't. There's no evidence of it, and he may not have even risen from the dead. But he's alive. Just like my father and my mother (Happy Birthday, Mom!) and Pappy and Gram and Grandma Schultz and Uncle James and... they're all alive. And my brother or sister, the one I never knew about. They're all here tonight. And I'm celebrating Easter with all of them!
Because I am learning that Easter isn't about Jesus. It's about us. It's about me and it's about you. It's about all of us learning that there are times that we get put into the grave. We get put there, sometimes because of our own choosing (in my case), sometimes not because we choose it. Easter is about coming out of the grave. And I can't come out of the grave right now, and that's very sad for me. Which would explain why I'm blogging and not attending a really cool Easter Vigil somewhere in New York City.
The grave sucks. My daughter asked if she could come to New York and spend Easter with me, I refused. She was on spring break from school (where she is the MOST AWESOME student in the college she is attending) and the MOST CREATIVE person I've ever known (sorry Maggie, the pelican painting is amazing, but your Katniss dress is a VERY close #2). I regret so much that I missed, mainly because I am still in my grave. I missed seeing what was going on with my kids. Their resentment is completely understood.
I missed a chemical dependency or two (or maybe three). I missed a lot of things in their lives that 'normal' parents would not have missed. I missed them because I was 'too busy' and 'providing'. The reality was I was blind to what my children needed. And that blindness, that total disregard for who my children were becoming, effects us to this day. I know three of the most amazing people on this planet. My oldest daughter is one of the most creative costumers in the world. My middle daughter has created some of the most beautiful pieces of art that I've seen in a long time. My son is one of the most creative comics and teachers that I've ever come in contact with. And I don't tell them that enough. And it's good that I don't need to, they know it. But it would be good if I could tell them.
I hope their graves are not as deep as mine. I don't think they are, and I hope they aren't. I dug mine. I dug it when I took the job I have. I dug it when I moved to New York. It just gets deeper as I realize that, on Easter, my highlight will be cleaning my apartment and writing a technical specification for a demonstration. I tried to make friends here. I have some. But none that care enough about me to make sure that my Easter is spent around people who care about me. They have their own people who they need to make sure are OK on this feast. So I am spending Easter alone. Heck, even Jesus didn't do that!
My grave is there, the rock rolled over, the cloths draped over me. All of the regrets, all of the pain, all of the bad decisions I've made, all of the wrong things I've done, they are the cloths. Like Jesus, I am waiting for the Father to reach down and tell me...
ARISE, MY LOVE. THE GRAVE NO LONGER HAS A HOLD ON YOU.
When that day comes, this planet will hear the rejoicing!
I know that Jesus rose from the dead. I feel it. I can't explain it. I'm sorry that I can't. There's no evidence of it, and he may not have even risen from the dead. But he's alive. Just like my father and my mother (Happy Birthday, Mom!) and Pappy and Gram and Grandma Schultz and Uncle James and... they're all alive. And my brother or sister, the one I never knew about. They're all here tonight. And I'm celebrating Easter with all of them!
Because I am learning that Easter isn't about Jesus. It's about us. It's about me and it's about you. It's about all of us learning that there are times that we get put into the grave. We get put there, sometimes because of our own choosing (in my case), sometimes not because we choose it. Easter is about coming out of the grave. And I can't come out of the grave right now, and that's very sad for me. Which would explain why I'm blogging and not attending a really cool Easter Vigil somewhere in New York City.
The grave sucks. My daughter asked if she could come to New York and spend Easter with me, I refused. She was on spring break from school (where she is the MOST AWESOME student in the college she is attending) and the MOST CREATIVE person I've ever known (sorry Maggie, the pelican painting is amazing, but your Katniss dress is a VERY close #2). I regret so much that I missed, mainly because I am still in my grave. I missed seeing what was going on with my kids. Their resentment is completely understood.
I missed a chemical dependency or two (or maybe three). I missed a lot of things in their lives that 'normal' parents would not have missed. I missed them because I was 'too busy' and 'providing'. The reality was I was blind to what my children needed. And that blindness, that total disregard for who my children were becoming, effects us to this day. I know three of the most amazing people on this planet. My oldest daughter is one of the most creative costumers in the world. My middle daughter has created some of the most beautiful pieces of art that I've seen in a long time. My son is one of the most creative comics and teachers that I've ever come in contact with. And I don't tell them that enough. And it's good that I don't need to, they know it. But it would be good if I could tell them.
I hope their graves are not as deep as mine. I don't think they are, and I hope they aren't. I dug mine. I dug it when I took the job I have. I dug it when I moved to New York. It just gets deeper as I realize that, on Easter, my highlight will be cleaning my apartment and writing a technical specification for a demonstration. I tried to make friends here. I have some. But none that care enough about me to make sure that my Easter is spent around people who care about me. They have their own people who they need to make sure are OK on this feast. So I am spending Easter alone. Heck, even Jesus didn't do that!
My grave is there, the rock rolled over, the cloths draped over me. All of the regrets, all of the pain, all of the bad decisions I've made, all of the wrong things I've done, they are the cloths. Like Jesus, I am waiting for the Father to reach down and tell me...
ARISE, MY LOVE. THE GRAVE NO LONGER HAS A HOLD ON YOU.
When that day comes, this planet will hear the rejoicing!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Under the Sea, Well, Not Quite...
Scuba diving for me has been a wonderful diversion and an escape. I've been to some very wonderful places and have had the privilege to dive with some of the finest people in the world (my family included). When I came to NYC, I was faced with a diving dilemma, "where can I dive and work as a PADI professional?" So I did what anyone would do to find a scuba diving shop, I Googled them!
My first 'hit' was at Pan Aqua dive shop on the west side of Manhattan, the same side of the island I am on. I sent them a couple of emails with no response, which seemed odd, but I understand busy. I had been to the shop before and knew that the equipment I brought with me was lined up exactly with what they were selling, so it seemed to be a very good fit. After not hearing from them after a couple emails, I thought I'd stop by. So I did, introduced myself, let the folks know that all I wanted to do was help with classes and that I'd pay my own way if I had a chance to dive. I was told, to my utter shock, that they didn't need or want any help, that they had plenty. So I walked out the door never to return and sent an email to the folks at Empire Divers.
It took about 10 minutes for my phone to ring. Cliff and Debbie wanted me to come in to the shop and meet me and talk about what I wanted and discuss how I could help them. Yeah, I went that afternoon. I was in the pool a couple of days later doing a Scuba Review. That was early in the summer in 2011. By the end of the summer, I was going out to their open water classes at Dutch Springs and helping out there. When the outdoor diving season ended, I stayed busy at least 2 days a month in the pool and was helping out in the dive shop one or two times per week.
I guess it was January when I was at the pool with Cliff and he approached me to let me know that he needed an instructor and he thought I could be a fantastic instructor. (One of the instructors that I worked with at Dutch from Empire, Joi Petrik, moved to Hawai'i.) I told him that I was flattered and that he was probably right, but that I honestly couldn't afford it. At that point, right there, Cliff offered to pay for the Instructor Development Course and the Instructor Examination if I worked for him for a while. Naturally, I told him I would think about it. Yeah, that thought process didn't take too long and the next day we were looking at IDC options.
The choice we made was to use Course Director Steve Scigliano at Swim and Scuba in Rockville Center because Steve was able to put together an IDC that went for 5 consecutive days in February, which worked perfectly for my schedule. During the IDC, Cliff even did his IDC Staff Instructor course, so we had an opportunity to 'reverse commute' every day to Long Island. The IDC was grueling and intense. The days were about 10 hours a piece on site, plus the commute, plus 3-4 hours of homework each night. I felt like I was back in college (and actually paying attention)! I capped my IDC experience by going to Nassau (on miles and points) for a long weekend and doing some diving with Stuart's Cove. Perfect way to decompress after a long week, that's for sure!
I then went to work in the shop as an Assistant Instructor. I was teaching classes and meeting folks and having fun until it was time for the Instructor Examination.
The IE was held in Allentown, PA (the open water portions were done at Dutch Springs). I went out on Friday evening and stayed in Allentown at a Hilton Garden Inn that was wonderful. I did my best to get a good night's sleep, as the IE began bright and early on Saturday morning at 7:00. As my father taught me, 15 minutes before is on time, so I showed up at the hotel where the academic portion of the IDC was being held at 6:45. Lots of people were taught the same lesson, apparently, and I ended up in the front of the room!
The first part of the IE is academic. You take a series of tests that center on standards and procedures, equipment, the dive environment, physiology, physics, and decompression theory. You have to score 75% or better on each section of the exam, or you have to retake that section the next day and, if you can't get the requisite 75%, you have to schedule to do that portion at another IE. So there's some pressure there to not fail, and that's OK. When one of the examiners asked us candidates if we were nervous, most of us said we were. Then he asked why. I, naturally, blurted out "Physics". Sure enough, I had to retake the Physics test on Sunday morning! But I did fantastic on the rest of the exams!
The next portion of the exam was an oral presentation. OK, it didn't really matter what topic I was given. The IDC prepared me with the presentation format and the required elements. And I speak in public for a living. This wasn't hard at all. 3.8 out of 5 because I didn't use props and didn't cover something that I didn't think was all that important. Needed a 3.5, on to the pool.
I arrived at the pool and I was the only one from my IDC there that day (the other two guys, Dennis and Bob, did all of this on Friday because Bob is Orthodox and Dennis is just a better man than I to volunteer to spend his Friday with Bob), so I was behind the 8 ball a little bit. I didn't have anybody to help with equipment set up and double checks. As I was finishing up my preparations, the staff told me to hurry up and get ready and go join a group. I did not complete my checks, but they assured me that I would be OK. So I put my scuba unit on and swam out to join the other group. As we descended, I put my regulator in my mouth and took a breath. Off an empty tank.
Needless to say, the Instructor Examiner was not one bit happy. He said, rightly, that he could fail me right at that moment. Until I let him know that I was not given the time to perform my predive checks by the staff who was hurrying me. He told me to get out of the pool, swap my tank, and join another group. I got another chance. But I was not one bit happy about it, as the tank was one of ours from Empire and should have been full (because we filled them when we inspected them about 6 weeks prior, but they were used for a couple of classes) and the staff shouldn't have been so insistent that I hurry. No matter, it was still my fault for using an empty tank. Will never happen again.
I ended up doing the skill circuit (5 skills the examiner chooses for you) flawlessly and ended up with a 4.2 out of 5.0 on my confined water. Then it was back to the hotel to study physics while the rest of the candidates went to dinner and the casino. That was just fine with me. After a day like that, I was in no mood for hooting it up at a casino!
I got a decent night's sleep, was ready for the physics make up, and got to Dutch Springs in plenty of time to reconnect with Dennis and Bob and a couple of other "old guys". It was awesome sharing this experience with men my own age (and a couple even older than me!). We began with a rescue exercise (everyone has to perform a rescue of an unresponsive diver at the surface), taking turns as rescuer, victim, and equipment handler. I think I did alright, 4.8 out of 5.0 because I didn't take my mask off immediately. Then it was to the platform.
We were assigned skills that we had to work with our 'class' on performing. Mine were easy (regulator recovery and partial mask clearing), and I did fine. One of the guys had the Controlled Emergency Swimming Ascent (CESA) and picked me to do it with. Thanks. So as we started up, the Examiner told me to take a breath. I did, we went back down to the platform and started up again. I took a breath about 5 feet from the surface, but the 'instructor' did just fine. The Examiner, however, told me that he needed to see me do one flawlessly before I could pass. So, when everybody got to the surface, he and I headed back to the platform so that I could perform a flawless CESA. Done.
We debriefed the dives, I got a 4.8 out of 5.0, and the Instructor Examiner extended his hand and said to me, "Congratulations, Mr. Instructor." Wow.
I became a PADI Open Water Scuba Instructor on June 3, 2012.
I certified my first open water divers on June 10, 2012 and, during the summer, was lucky to certify a total of 30 Open Water divers, 3 Advanced Open Water divers, 3 Rescue divers (one being my daughter, Katie :)!), 1 Peak Performance specialty diver, and certified 2 people in Emergency First Response. I spent 10 weekends at Dutch Springs during the summer of 2012. I had some wonderful times with some wonderful people.
I started "Team Fun", consisting of people that I've been lucky enough to certify. We have team meetings and I'm putting together a bunch of ideas for things we can do. Keeping people connected is very important in diving, but using diving as a connection point for folks is also a very good thing to do. And because I believe that diving isn't really diving if you're not doing and sharing it with other people and I also believe that diving is, fundamentally, fun. And when I'm teaching, I do my best to help people concentrate on the fun aspects of the sport/activity.
I became a PADI Master Scuba Diver Trainer on November 30, 2012 with specialty certifications in Deep, Boat, Underwater Naturalist, Underwater Navigator (hahaha), and Multilevel Diving.
I am looking forward to spending some time in the classroom and the pool this winter. Right now, I don't have any vacations planned to dive destinations this spring, and that's OK. I'll have fun with our customers!
Diving catch up... done.
My first 'hit' was at Pan Aqua dive shop on the west side of Manhattan, the same side of the island I am on. I sent them a couple of emails with no response, which seemed odd, but I understand busy. I had been to the shop before and knew that the equipment I brought with me was lined up exactly with what they were selling, so it seemed to be a very good fit. After not hearing from them after a couple emails, I thought I'd stop by. So I did, introduced myself, let the folks know that all I wanted to do was help with classes and that I'd pay my own way if I had a chance to dive. I was told, to my utter shock, that they didn't need or want any help, that they had plenty. So I walked out the door never to return and sent an email to the folks at Empire Divers.
It took about 10 minutes for my phone to ring. Cliff and Debbie wanted me to come in to the shop and meet me and talk about what I wanted and discuss how I could help them. Yeah, I went that afternoon. I was in the pool a couple of days later doing a Scuba Review. That was early in the summer in 2011. By the end of the summer, I was going out to their open water classes at Dutch Springs and helping out there. When the outdoor diving season ended, I stayed busy at least 2 days a month in the pool and was helping out in the dive shop one or two times per week.
I guess it was January when I was at the pool with Cliff and he approached me to let me know that he needed an instructor and he thought I could be a fantastic instructor. (One of the instructors that I worked with at Dutch from Empire, Joi Petrik, moved to Hawai'i.) I told him that I was flattered and that he was probably right, but that I honestly couldn't afford it. At that point, right there, Cliff offered to pay for the Instructor Development Course and the Instructor Examination if I worked for him for a while. Naturally, I told him I would think about it. Yeah, that thought process didn't take too long and the next day we were looking at IDC options.
The choice we made was to use Course Director Steve Scigliano at Swim and Scuba in Rockville Center because Steve was able to put together an IDC that went for 5 consecutive days in February, which worked perfectly for my schedule. During the IDC, Cliff even did his IDC Staff Instructor course, so we had an opportunity to 'reverse commute' every day to Long Island. The IDC was grueling and intense. The days were about 10 hours a piece on site, plus the commute, plus 3-4 hours of homework each night. I felt like I was back in college (and actually paying attention)! I capped my IDC experience by going to Nassau (on miles and points) for a long weekend and doing some diving with Stuart's Cove. Perfect way to decompress after a long week, that's for sure!
I then went to work in the shop as an Assistant Instructor. I was teaching classes and meeting folks and having fun until it was time for the Instructor Examination.
The IE was held in Allentown, PA (the open water portions were done at Dutch Springs). I went out on Friday evening and stayed in Allentown at a Hilton Garden Inn that was wonderful. I did my best to get a good night's sleep, as the IE began bright and early on Saturday morning at 7:00. As my father taught me, 15 minutes before is on time, so I showed up at the hotel where the academic portion of the IDC was being held at 6:45. Lots of people were taught the same lesson, apparently, and I ended up in the front of the room!
The first part of the IE is academic. You take a series of tests that center on standards and procedures, equipment, the dive environment, physiology, physics, and decompression theory. You have to score 75% or better on each section of the exam, or you have to retake that section the next day and, if you can't get the requisite 75%, you have to schedule to do that portion at another IE. So there's some pressure there to not fail, and that's OK. When one of the examiners asked us candidates if we were nervous, most of us said we were. Then he asked why. I, naturally, blurted out "Physics". Sure enough, I had to retake the Physics test on Sunday morning! But I did fantastic on the rest of the exams!
The next portion of the exam was an oral presentation. OK, it didn't really matter what topic I was given. The IDC prepared me with the presentation format and the required elements. And I speak in public for a living. This wasn't hard at all. 3.8 out of 5 because I didn't use props and didn't cover something that I didn't think was all that important. Needed a 3.5, on to the pool.
I arrived at the pool and I was the only one from my IDC there that day (the other two guys, Dennis and Bob, did all of this on Friday because Bob is Orthodox and Dennis is just a better man than I to volunteer to spend his Friday with Bob), so I was behind the 8 ball a little bit. I didn't have anybody to help with equipment set up and double checks. As I was finishing up my preparations, the staff told me to hurry up and get ready and go join a group. I did not complete my checks, but they assured me that I would be OK. So I put my scuba unit on and swam out to join the other group. As we descended, I put my regulator in my mouth and took a breath. Off an empty tank.
Needless to say, the Instructor Examiner was not one bit happy. He said, rightly, that he could fail me right at that moment. Until I let him know that I was not given the time to perform my predive checks by the staff who was hurrying me. He told me to get out of the pool, swap my tank, and join another group. I got another chance. But I was not one bit happy about it, as the tank was one of ours from Empire and should have been full (because we filled them when we inspected them about 6 weeks prior, but they were used for a couple of classes) and the staff shouldn't have been so insistent that I hurry. No matter, it was still my fault for using an empty tank. Will never happen again.
I ended up doing the skill circuit (5 skills the examiner chooses for you) flawlessly and ended up with a 4.2 out of 5.0 on my confined water. Then it was back to the hotel to study physics while the rest of the candidates went to dinner and the casino. That was just fine with me. After a day like that, I was in no mood for hooting it up at a casino!
I got a decent night's sleep, was ready for the physics make up, and got to Dutch Springs in plenty of time to reconnect with Dennis and Bob and a couple of other "old guys". It was awesome sharing this experience with men my own age (and a couple even older than me!). We began with a rescue exercise (everyone has to perform a rescue of an unresponsive diver at the surface), taking turns as rescuer, victim, and equipment handler. I think I did alright, 4.8 out of 5.0 because I didn't take my mask off immediately. Then it was to the platform.
We were assigned skills that we had to work with our 'class' on performing. Mine were easy (regulator recovery and partial mask clearing), and I did fine. One of the guys had the Controlled Emergency Swimming Ascent (CESA) and picked me to do it with. Thanks. So as we started up, the Examiner told me to take a breath. I did, we went back down to the platform and started up again. I took a breath about 5 feet from the surface, but the 'instructor' did just fine. The Examiner, however, told me that he needed to see me do one flawlessly before I could pass. So, when everybody got to the surface, he and I headed back to the platform so that I could perform a flawless CESA. Done.
We debriefed the dives, I got a 4.8 out of 5.0, and the Instructor Examiner extended his hand and said to me, "Congratulations, Mr. Instructor." Wow.
I became a PADI Open Water Scuba Instructor on June 3, 2012.
I certified my first open water divers on June 10, 2012 and, during the summer, was lucky to certify a total of 30 Open Water divers, 3 Advanced Open Water divers, 3 Rescue divers (one being my daughter, Katie :)!), 1 Peak Performance specialty diver, and certified 2 people in Emergency First Response. I spent 10 weekends at Dutch Springs during the summer of 2012. I had some wonderful times with some wonderful people.
I started "Team Fun", consisting of people that I've been lucky enough to certify. We have team meetings and I'm putting together a bunch of ideas for things we can do. Keeping people connected is very important in diving, but using diving as a connection point for folks is also a very good thing to do. And because I believe that diving isn't really diving if you're not doing and sharing it with other people and I also believe that diving is, fundamentally, fun. And when I'm teaching, I do my best to help people concentrate on the fun aspects of the sport/activity.
I became a PADI Master Scuba Diver Trainer on November 30, 2012 with specialty certifications in Deep, Boat, Underwater Naturalist, Underwater Navigator (hahaha), and Multilevel Diving.
I am looking forward to spending some time in the classroom and the pool this winter. Right now, I don't have any vacations planned to dive destinations this spring, and that's OK. I'll have fun with our customers!
Diving catch up... done.
Monday, November 26, 2012
OK, So It's Been a While...
In fact, almost an entire year has gone by. I can chronicle the year, almost day-to-day, but I think I will highlight a few things...
I began working at a dive shop last year as a PADI Divemaster. During January, while I was doing a Scuba Review, the owner of the dive shop told me I should be an instructor and that the shop would help with seeing that as a reality. To make an incredibly long story very short, I was certified as a PADI Open Water Scuba Instructor on June 3, 2012. I spent 10 weekends over the summer of 2012 getting to know and certify some very wonderful people! I'm already looking forward to 2013!
My "real" job has kept me fairly busy. Since moving to New York City, I clearly am not traveling as much and am able to enjoy some of the things the city has to offer. Not to say that I haven't traveled! My highlights of the year were a visit to the Bahamas in February and our Quota Club trip to Maui at the end of April. It's been a transitional year for me at the job, it will be interesting to see what 2013 brings.
During May, I had to move. OK, the move wasn't far. It was about 10 yards across the back patio. But I still had to move.
My daughter, Katie, came to visit in September (and, coincidentally, became a certified Rescue Diver in the process) and my son, Tom, came to visit for Thanksgiving. Amazing times with those two and it's good for us to get together. I did go back to Minnesota in May and was able to see all my children and that was a very special time. All three of them came out for a few days after Christmas in January. We had a good, but somewhat challenging, time.
I'm seeing a podiatrist and a chiropractor.
I've made some new friends, but need to learn to be OK with being both alone and lonely once in a while. This just might help... And I'll spend some more time drilling into each of these and getting everyone caught up. And, in the process, may be able to catch myself up as well...
I began working at a dive shop last year as a PADI Divemaster. During January, while I was doing a Scuba Review, the owner of the dive shop told me I should be an instructor and that the shop would help with seeing that as a reality. To make an incredibly long story very short, I was certified as a PADI Open Water Scuba Instructor on June 3, 2012. I spent 10 weekends over the summer of 2012 getting to know and certify some very wonderful people! I'm already looking forward to 2013!
My "real" job has kept me fairly busy. Since moving to New York City, I clearly am not traveling as much and am able to enjoy some of the things the city has to offer. Not to say that I haven't traveled! My highlights of the year were a visit to the Bahamas in February and our Quota Club trip to Maui at the end of April. It's been a transitional year for me at the job, it will be interesting to see what 2013 brings.
During May, I had to move. OK, the move wasn't far. It was about 10 yards across the back patio. But I still had to move.
My daughter, Katie, came to visit in September (and, coincidentally, became a certified Rescue Diver in the process) and my son, Tom, came to visit for Thanksgiving. Amazing times with those two and it's good for us to get together. I did go back to Minnesota in May and was able to see all my children and that was a very special time. All three of them came out for a few days after Christmas in January. We had a good, but somewhat challenging, time.
I'm seeing a podiatrist and a chiropractor.
I've made some new friends, but need to learn to be OK with being both alone and lonely once in a while. This just might help... And I'll spend some more time drilling into each of these and getting everyone caught up. And, in the process, may be able to catch myself up as well...
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Peace
It's kind of a funny word, PEACE. In Latin, the word is pax. En espanol, esta la pas. It's funny because it has all kinds of meanings. And those meanings differ for each person. For some, "Peace on Earth" means no wars, no killings, no bloodshed in the name of whatever god the killers choose. Living in New York City, I see enough of it. This city is ecstatic because 2011 is on track to have to the third fewest murders in its history. The projection yesterday was that nearly 500 people will be murdered in this city. And our leaders are happy about that. I'm not. But that's not the "peace" I seek. And I don't think that's the "peace" most people seek.
That "peace" is that feeling deep inside us that is quiet and happy. It is that depth of soul that all of us seek, and spend our lives seeking. It listens to others and to ourselves and our desires and longings. It wants to spread. It is joyful, it is happy, it is wondrous. I think I've experienced that "peace" a couple of times in my life. But I'm human and I couldn't sustain it or retain it. So I still seek it. And I still seek its source.
Some would suggest that peace comes from God. I think, perhaps, that is true. However God incarnates in each person is where peace can be found. But we are human, and we don't welcome that incarnation very often. I know I don't. It scares the crap out of me. Asking God to become incarnate in me is a scary thing. Kind of makes me think about how Jesus felt (having the personal and resolute belief Jesus truly is the Messiah, the Son of God). There is so much pain and so much joy in asking God to do that in me.
My life has changed very radically this year. And, with that, the lives of people I love very much has also changed very radically this year. And as I was (and am) going through that change, I lost track of those people that I love and lost track of how my change effected them. I feel it very palpably tonight on Christmas Eve. And I believe that feeling that I am experiencing right now is the exact opposite of "peace". Call it guilt, call it regret, call it whatever you will, it's not a good feeling. Christmas carols (not even Amy Grant) can change that. And maybe that's the way it needs to be.
But I still seek peace. And my life is about seeking that peace. And bringing that peace to others, especially those who I love with all my heart, soul, and being. And you know who you are. I miss you so much, but especially tonight. And as I seek that elusive peace within myself, I pray it into you. Because you deserve it far more than I do. Your patience and love and acceptance of me as I am humbles me and brings me to tears more often than you know.
Yet, Christmas still comes. Insistent this holiday is. I've resisted it, more to resist the feelings I have now than anything. I'm still not good at crying, although I'm getting lots of practice. But it still comes. And the world is joyful and happy. And it should be, Christmas means so much to our world. And it means so much to me as well. Sadly, a lot of what it means for me isn't here today. So I must seek it somewhere. I MUST SEEK PEACE. And we all must seek peace.
Be Born in Us Today. Please.
That "peace" is that feeling deep inside us that is quiet and happy. It is that depth of soul that all of us seek, and spend our lives seeking. It listens to others and to ourselves and our desires and longings. It wants to spread. It is joyful, it is happy, it is wondrous. I think I've experienced that "peace" a couple of times in my life. But I'm human and I couldn't sustain it or retain it. So I still seek it. And I still seek its source.
Some would suggest that peace comes from God. I think, perhaps, that is true. However God incarnates in each person is where peace can be found. But we are human, and we don't welcome that incarnation very often. I know I don't. It scares the crap out of me. Asking God to become incarnate in me is a scary thing. Kind of makes me think about how Jesus felt (having the personal and resolute belief Jesus truly is the Messiah, the Son of God). There is so much pain and so much joy in asking God to do that in me.
My life has changed very radically this year. And, with that, the lives of people I love very much has also changed very radically this year. And as I was (and am) going through that change, I lost track of those people that I love and lost track of how my change effected them. I feel it very palpably tonight on Christmas Eve. And I believe that feeling that I am experiencing right now is the exact opposite of "peace". Call it guilt, call it regret, call it whatever you will, it's not a good feeling. Christmas carols (not even Amy Grant) can change that. And maybe that's the way it needs to be.
But I still seek peace. And my life is about seeking that peace. And bringing that peace to others, especially those who I love with all my heart, soul, and being. And you know who you are. I miss you so much, but especially tonight. And as I seek that elusive peace within myself, I pray it into you. Because you deserve it far more than I do. Your patience and love and acceptance of me as I am humbles me and brings me to tears more often than you know.
Yet, Christmas still comes. Insistent this holiday is. I've resisted it, more to resist the feelings I have now than anything. I'm still not good at crying, although I'm getting lots of practice. But it still comes. And the world is joyful and happy. And it should be, Christmas means so much to our world. And it means so much to me as well. Sadly, a lot of what it means for me isn't here today. So I must seek it somewhere. I MUST SEEK PEACE. And we all must seek peace.
Be Born in Us Today. Please.
Ohana
My beautiful daughter, Maggie, reminded me of this phrase today (by now, yesterday). It means, loosely translated, that our blood relatives are not forgotten or left behind. As I sit here, very early on Christmas Eve morning, I must admit that I am feeling both left behind (which would be my choice) and forgotten (which isn't my choice).
There are three people in my life that I love to the very core of my being. They are my children. Maggie, Katie, and Tom. And they have no idea how sad I am that I am not there to spend Christmas with them.
You see, Christmas evolved with our family as we got older. It evolved into us spending time with one another. Just being together. I didn't (for lots of reasons) appreciate that. I think those three, and perhaps four and now five, people did. I do, now that I'm not there to spend it with them. Those traditions that we grew together (you all better be eating prime rib for supper, exchanging gifts downstairs, and then going to Midnight Mass tonight), they are what fuel us. And they still fuel me, although I'm not there physically to share it. And you can't imagine how sad that makes me feel. And while I'm not there in body, know that I am there in spirit.
Know that the Birth of Jesus means something. Know that the Incarnation is important. I'm going to find a place here to celebrate it with you in spirit. I am sad and regretful that I cannot, and choose not to, be with you on this lovely day. But I also realize that the train of our lives must try very hard to keep on its track, not knowing where it is eventually headed. But the track is already laid, no matter how curvy it can be, and the Layer is leading us on it. I trust Him, even in those times He is silent.
And in that Silence, I seek peace. And isn't that the true meaning of this season? Seek Peace. I am looking with an open mind and open heart.
But I miss my family terribly. And I can only hope they miss me. Although chances are...
There are three people in my life that I love to the very core of my being. They are my children. Maggie, Katie, and Tom. And they have no idea how sad I am that I am not there to spend Christmas with them.
You see, Christmas evolved with our family as we got older. It evolved into us spending time with one another. Just being together. I didn't (for lots of reasons) appreciate that. I think those three, and perhaps four and now five, people did. I do, now that I'm not there to spend it with them. Those traditions that we grew together (you all better be eating prime rib for supper, exchanging gifts downstairs, and then going to Midnight Mass tonight), they are what fuel us. And they still fuel me, although I'm not there physically to share it. And you can't imagine how sad that makes me feel. And while I'm not there in body, know that I am there in spirit.
Know that the Birth of Jesus means something. Know that the Incarnation is important. I'm going to find a place here to celebrate it with you in spirit. I am sad and regretful that I cannot, and choose not to, be with you on this lovely day. But I also realize that the train of our lives must try very hard to keep on its track, not knowing where it is eventually headed. But the track is already laid, no matter how curvy it can be, and the Layer is leading us on it. I trust Him, even in those times He is silent.
And in that Silence, I seek peace. And isn't that the true meaning of this season? Seek Peace. I am looking with an open mind and open heart.
But I miss my family terribly. And I can only hope they miss me. Although chances are...
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
More Later...
it has been an eventful week or so on the #8 train, that's for sure... But tonight it just stopped cold in it's tracks. I will post more in the next couple of days when I have a few minutes to spare (which may not be until sometime over the weekend) to let everyone know what I've been up to, but tonight couldn't go by without writing something.
The Christmas season is wonderful. It really is, and I've eschewed it almost my entire life by waiting to get my shopping done, really trying to joyfully celebrate Advent, etc. But now that I'm in New York, it's kind of hard to escape it. I've tried, I really have. We have our "Holiday Party" at Information Builders tomorrow. It's not a big deal (not like what they used to be from what I've heard). It's from 1-3 at a bar. We get beer, wine, and some appetizers. Whoopee. That, folks, was going to be the extent of my holiday celebration this year and I was (and am) kind of looking forward to it. But a couple of weeks ago, that was going to be the extent of my holiday celebration.
I went out for sushi (duh) with some co-workers of mine tonight. When I got home tonight, there was a box waiting for me outside my door. In that box was some garland and some lights, a beautiful shark, a mint tree, a beautful shark, and hand wrapped ornaments from my grandmother. My daughters wrapped all of this up for me so that my Christmas could be a little less lonely. That was an hour or so ago and I haven't stopped crying. It was the single most beautiful thing I have ever received (in collective) because it was meant to help me not feel as alone as I am feeling. And I appreciate it more than they will ever know. And I love them and am more proud of them than I could ever express. The only thing I wish right now is that they were both here (with their brother) so that I could give them a giant hug and tell them that.
But the #8 train made some choices and he has to live with them. Some of them are great, some of them are painful. But during this season of peace and joy, it's good to know that people wish that for me as much as I wish it for them.
I love you!
The Christmas season is wonderful. It really is, and I've eschewed it almost my entire life by waiting to get my shopping done, really trying to joyfully celebrate Advent, etc. But now that I'm in New York, it's kind of hard to escape it. I've tried, I really have. We have our "Holiday Party" at Information Builders tomorrow. It's not a big deal (not like what they used to be from what I've heard). It's from 1-3 at a bar. We get beer, wine, and some appetizers. Whoopee. That, folks, was going to be the extent of my holiday celebration this year and I was (and am) kind of looking forward to it. But a couple of weeks ago, that was going to be the extent of my holiday celebration.
I went out for sushi (duh) with some co-workers of mine tonight. When I got home tonight, there was a box waiting for me outside my door. In that box was some garland and some lights, a beautiful shark, a mint tree, a beautful shark, and hand wrapped ornaments from my grandmother. My daughters wrapped all of this up for me so that my Christmas could be a little less lonely. That was an hour or so ago and I haven't stopped crying. It was the single most beautiful thing I have ever received (in collective) because it was meant to help me not feel as alone as I am feeling. And I appreciate it more than they will ever know. And I love them and am more proud of them than I could ever express. The only thing I wish right now is that they were both here (with their brother) so that I could give them a giant hug and tell them that.
But the #8 train made some choices and he has to live with them. Some of them are great, some of them are painful. But during this season of peace and joy, it's good to know that people wish that for me as much as I wish it for them.
I love you!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Happy Day After Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday. I think it's meaning has evolved a little into preparing the turkey and eating wonderful foods and spending a day simply relaxing (for those not preparing the turkey and foods!) with family. And I think that's wonderful, and I really missed it this year.
My Thanksgiving was different. I spent it alone, by choice. I spent it taking some time to reflect on all of the things in my life I am thankful for right now. There was some pain and hurt inside me due to some of the decisions I've made over the past year in coming out here and, now, choosing to remain and learning that I am truly more alone than I thought I really was. And all that pain and hurt is exacerbated on holidays like Thanksgiving. But I thought about what I'm thankful for...
My family is the primary source of my thankfulness. It's taken me to move away from them and begin to grow up myself to realize how truly thankful I am for all of them and how much I love them. I'm thankful for my friends, those that are truly my friends, who help pick me up and support me as my life transitions. I'm grateful for finally realizing that the most important thing I have is myself and I'm thankful that I am finally coming to a point in my life where I can actually face myself, the good and the bad, very openly and honestly. And I'm thankful there are people who are helping me face that, and not thinking any less of me for doing so.
I went to see the balloons at the Museum of Natural History on Wednesday night. Apparently, this used to be a very cool, very Manhattan experience in the "old days" according to people that live here. It's become kind of a zoo, as does everything in this city, but it also was pretty wonderful. I brought my camera with me and took some pretty cool pictures! Because one of my favorite bars in the city (Bourbon Street) is close to there, that ended up being where I went and hung out for a while. Met and talked with some pretty decent people in town for the holidays who have moved away and were just happy to be back in the city. It was a good time.
Yesterday was my "day of reflection". it began by going to the Thanksgiving Parade. I thought I would be smart and go watch it at Columbus Circle and get there at 9am. Well, I wasn't the only person with that plan. I had a lousy view of the parade, so I saw a couple of balloons and took some pictures of them, then came home to watch it on TV. (N.B., if you are a tourist in this city, please don't stand in front of people trying to take pictures with your damn iPad. It's annoying and rude.)
You see the outcome of that day above, so it really was a pretty productive day after all! I ended up getting a TV dinner (ok, roast turkey with potatoes and stuffing) from Gristedes after the Lions/Packers game. Watched the Cowboys/Dolphins game and relaxed and reflected. As I said above, it was a painful, yet productive day.
Black Friday is here and I am preparing to venture out into the city with my little camera and see what's going on. I have a pretty open agenda today. I think I'm going to take the subway down to Penn Station, then start walking home. I'm not sure what I'm doing or where I'm going or where the wind wants to take me today, but right now it's 56 degrees here and should be in the mid-60s this afternoon with not a cloud in the sky. It would be pretty silly of me to spend this beautiful day inside!
To those who read my blog (and it doesn't appear there are many, which is fine), I wish you peace as I search for it in my mind and heart.
My Thanksgiving was different. I spent it alone, by choice. I spent it taking some time to reflect on all of the things in my life I am thankful for right now. There was some pain and hurt inside me due to some of the decisions I've made over the past year in coming out here and, now, choosing to remain and learning that I am truly more alone than I thought I really was. And all that pain and hurt is exacerbated on holidays like Thanksgiving. But I thought about what I'm thankful for...
My family is the primary source of my thankfulness. It's taken me to move away from them and begin to grow up myself to realize how truly thankful I am for all of them and how much I love them. I'm thankful for my friends, those that are truly my friends, who help pick me up and support me as my life transitions. I'm grateful for finally realizing that the most important thing I have is myself and I'm thankful that I am finally coming to a point in my life where I can actually face myself, the good and the bad, very openly and honestly. And I'm thankful there are people who are helping me face that, and not thinking any less of me for doing so.
I went to see the balloons at the Museum of Natural History on Wednesday night. Apparently, this used to be a very cool, very Manhattan experience in the "old days" according to people that live here. It's become kind of a zoo, as does everything in this city, but it also was pretty wonderful. I brought my camera with me and took some pretty cool pictures! Because one of my favorite bars in the city (Bourbon Street) is close to there, that ended up being where I went and hung out for a while. Met and talked with some pretty decent people in town for the holidays who have moved away and were just happy to be back in the city. It was a good time.
Yesterday was my "day of reflection". it began by going to the Thanksgiving Parade. I thought I would be smart and go watch it at Columbus Circle and get there at 9am. Well, I wasn't the only person with that plan. I had a lousy view of the parade, so I saw a couple of balloons and took some pictures of them, then came home to watch it on TV. (N.B., if you are a tourist in this city, please don't stand in front of people trying to take pictures with your damn iPad. It's annoying and rude.)
You see the outcome of that day above, so it really was a pretty productive day after all! I ended up getting a TV dinner (ok, roast turkey with potatoes and stuffing) from Gristedes after the Lions/Packers game. Watched the Cowboys/Dolphins game and relaxed and reflected. As I said above, it was a painful, yet productive day.
Black Friday is here and I am preparing to venture out into the city with my little camera and see what's going on. I have a pretty open agenda today. I think I'm going to take the subway down to Penn Station, then start walking home. I'm not sure what I'm doing or where I'm going or where the wind wants to take me today, but right now it's 56 degrees here and should be in the mid-60s this afternoon with not a cloud in the sky. It would be pretty silly of me to spend this beautiful day inside!
To those who read my blog (and it doesn't appear there are many, which is fine), I wish you peace as I search for it in my mind and heart.
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Train Goes to Happy Valley
The tragic events at Pennsylvania State University that have finally come to light in the past week are causing a detour on the train this week.
I know a lot of people who attended Penn State. I know a lot of people who bleed dark blue and white. I know a lot of people who are broken-hearted over what has happened.
The reality, and I think Chris Fowler on ESPN said it best, is that the trustees at the university had zero choice in the actions they took yesterday to dismiss the iconic Joe Paterno, the athletic director, and the university president. The justifiable outrage over the allegations was enough to seal their fates. Should they prove true, one can only imagine the ongoing damage, both in reputation and fiscally, this will be for Penn State.
But the train isn't detouring to reflect on what other people are saying, it's detouring to offer a perspective. Can anyone else name an institution that has had this problem of pedophiles ongoing abhorrent behavior being tacitly allowed by non-reporting to civic authorities? I sure can. Now I would ask you to think about the faith histories of the men involved in this situation at Penn State.
It is a safe bet that the men that were involved in this are all practicing Roman Catholics. And the Church has modeled the behavior all of them followed for centuries. It allowed a pedophile to continue molesting children, people who knew didn't stop it, and didn't report it to the police. It is my belief, right or wrong, that the men who did not report this abuse to the police acted EXACTLY like their pastors and bishops have acted over the years. And that, my friends, is very sad.
Because the problem isn't pedophilia. It happens. I can't understand it, nor do I condone it. But it is a psychological illness. The problem is in the non reporting of the actions when they occur. Because in the non reporting is the tacit acceptance of the behavior. And that not only makes me sad, it makes me sick. The fact that someone saw an abusor "in action", did nothing to stop it (which I am still struggling with, as I yell at people for littering), told his boss, who told his boss, who told his boss, and all along that line, NOBODY DID ANYTHING.
It is my hope that the entire country, and to some degree even the Church, learns something from this and does not accept non reporting of abusive acts on children. We can't accept that as a society.
I know a lot of people who attended Penn State. I know a lot of people who bleed dark blue and white. I know a lot of people who are broken-hearted over what has happened.
The reality, and I think Chris Fowler on ESPN said it best, is that the trustees at the university had zero choice in the actions they took yesterday to dismiss the iconic Joe Paterno, the athletic director, and the university president. The justifiable outrage over the allegations was enough to seal their fates. Should they prove true, one can only imagine the ongoing damage, both in reputation and fiscally, this will be for Penn State.
But the train isn't detouring to reflect on what other people are saying, it's detouring to offer a perspective. Can anyone else name an institution that has had this problem of pedophiles ongoing abhorrent behavior being tacitly allowed by non-reporting to civic authorities? I sure can. Now I would ask you to think about the faith histories of the men involved in this situation at Penn State.
It is a safe bet that the men that were involved in this are all practicing Roman Catholics. And the Church has modeled the behavior all of them followed for centuries. It allowed a pedophile to continue molesting children, people who knew didn't stop it, and didn't report it to the police. It is my belief, right or wrong, that the men who did not report this abuse to the police acted EXACTLY like their pastors and bishops have acted over the years. And that, my friends, is very sad.
Because the problem isn't pedophilia. It happens. I can't understand it, nor do I condone it. But it is a psychological illness. The problem is in the non reporting of the actions when they occur. Because in the non reporting is the tacit acceptance of the behavior. And that not only makes me sad, it makes me sick. The fact that someone saw an abusor "in action", did nothing to stop it (which I am still struggling with, as I yell at people for littering), told his boss, who told his boss, who told his boss, and all along that line, NOBODY DID ANYTHING.
It is my hope that the entire country, and to some degree even the Church, learns something from this and does not accept non reporting of abusive acts on children. We can't accept that as a society.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Marathon Weekend in NYC!!!
Normally, I don't get real excited about marathons. When I lived in the Twin Cities, I knew it was the first weekend in October. But that was about it. I never went to see it, despite having brothers and sisters running in it. I'm just not that big of a fan of running. And that was OK. Then I moved here.
New Yorkers have a tendency to make a big deal out of things. They have HUGE parades. It's hard not to mention the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and New Years Eve in Times Square. Any time there's an 'event' in or around the city, it really does come to life. Thankfully, there are a lot of events here and the city comes to life an awful lot. It was amazing to be here during the US Open tennis tournament and see how many people in this city actually care about tennis. During that month, everyone cares about tennis.
The ING NYC Marathon is one of these events. There has been extensive media coverage about it, not to mention the advertising one sees almost everywhere. We are expecting 47,000 runners to run 26.2 miles through the 5 boroughs and end up about 3 miles away from me down in Central Park. The course looks phenomenal. There will be about 3 million spectators along the route, joined by about 130 bands. The east side of the city will pretty much be shut down most of the afternoon to traffic. It is an amazing event. We even had fireworks in Central Park last night!
And all of that is really cool. And I'm going to watch the marathon, just like 2,999,999 other New Yorkers. But I'm watching it for a very special reason. My brother, Jim, and his wife Karla, along with four of their friends from back in Minnesota will be running in the NYC Marathon this year. It will be Jim's 20th marathon and he is very excited. And I am excited for him.
The entourage got here on Thursday night. They took public transportation (yes, M60 bus) from LaGuardia. They are staying very near Columbus Circle on the south end of Central Park. And they've been busy since they got here! I was able to meet up with them when I got home from Seattle last night. I met them at Columbus Circle. We walked down to Times Square. It's only my opinion, but if it's your first time in New York City, you really do need to go to Times Square. We put our name in at Tony's on 43rd and Broadway, walked back up to Rockefeller Center, then back down to Tony's for a GREAT dinner (it was fantastic food and even better than Jim and I could sit and have a private conversation and get caught up), then back to where they are staying. It really was fun.
Today, they did a couple of visitor things. They went to the 9/11 Memorial. Their word is that it's going to be a very special place when it's all done. I have yet to go to the Memorial itself, but have been down to the site a few times. From there they went to (what the ladies convinced Jim) Chinatown. Magically, Canal Street beckoned. Shopping was done. They called me as they were walking to Grand Central to let me know they were on the way. Some hurried last minute cleaning was done, and I had visitors! We went to the Metro Diner for supper, then they went back to get their gear ready for tomorrow and do some high quality resting and zoning out.
I plan on seeing them in the race a couple of times tomorrow. Hopefully when they come into Manhattan around 59th Street and 1st Avenue, then again somewhere in Central Park. Once the race is over, we'll meet again for dinner and kicking it a little bit. I am really looking forward to it!
The #8 train is rolling! And trying to find a track. One of these days, one will appear. Until then, it's going to roll along and keep looking...
New Yorkers have a tendency to make a big deal out of things. They have HUGE parades. It's hard not to mention the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and New Years Eve in Times Square. Any time there's an 'event' in or around the city, it really does come to life. Thankfully, there are a lot of events here and the city comes to life an awful lot. It was amazing to be here during the US Open tennis tournament and see how many people in this city actually care about tennis. During that month, everyone cares about tennis.
The ING NYC Marathon is one of these events. There has been extensive media coverage about it, not to mention the advertising one sees almost everywhere. We are expecting 47,000 runners to run 26.2 miles through the 5 boroughs and end up about 3 miles away from me down in Central Park. The course looks phenomenal. There will be about 3 million spectators along the route, joined by about 130 bands. The east side of the city will pretty much be shut down most of the afternoon to traffic. It is an amazing event. We even had fireworks in Central Park last night!
And all of that is really cool. And I'm going to watch the marathon, just like 2,999,999 other New Yorkers. But I'm watching it for a very special reason. My brother, Jim, and his wife Karla, along with four of their friends from back in Minnesota will be running in the NYC Marathon this year. It will be Jim's 20th marathon and he is very excited. And I am excited for him.
The entourage got here on Thursday night. They took public transportation (yes, M60 bus) from LaGuardia. They are staying very near Columbus Circle on the south end of Central Park. And they've been busy since they got here! I was able to meet up with them when I got home from Seattle last night. I met them at Columbus Circle. We walked down to Times Square. It's only my opinion, but if it's your first time in New York City, you really do need to go to Times Square. We put our name in at Tony's on 43rd and Broadway, walked back up to Rockefeller Center, then back down to Tony's for a GREAT dinner (it was fantastic food and even better than Jim and I could sit and have a private conversation and get caught up), then back to where they are staying. It really was fun.
Today, they did a couple of visitor things. They went to the 9/11 Memorial. Their word is that it's going to be a very special place when it's all done. I have yet to go to the Memorial itself, but have been down to the site a few times. From there they went to (what the ladies convinced Jim) Chinatown. Magically, Canal Street beckoned. Shopping was done. They called me as they were walking to Grand Central to let me know they were on the way. Some hurried last minute cleaning was done, and I had visitors! We went to the Metro Diner for supper, then they went back to get their gear ready for tomorrow and do some high quality resting and zoning out.
I plan on seeing them in the race a couple of times tomorrow. Hopefully when they come into Manhattan around 59th Street and 1st Avenue, then again somewhere in Central Park. Once the race is over, we'll meet again for dinner and kicking it a little bit. I am really looking forward to it!
The #8 train is rolling! And trying to find a track. One of these days, one will appear. Until then, it's going to roll along and keep looking...
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